Square-Peg Reflections

Shipwrecked

 

These are the only genuine ideas; the ideas of the shipwrecked. All the rest is rhetoric, posturing, farce. He who does not really feel himself lost, is without remission; that is to say, he never finds himself, never comes up against his own reality. - José Ortega

I love this! Somehow it normalizes feeling effed up - feeling adrift - feeling Square-Peg. It says (to me) that it's ok (it's good even) to not know - to flail - to wonder wildly (you know what I mean - the un-gentle wonder - where you have that puppy-that's-just-been-kicked thing going on?). Thank you, José Ortega! 

Falling Into the New Year

 

Oh. My. Word. I lost myself. I fell into a puzzle* on New Year's Eve - and I'm only just crawling out - and that's only because Slightly-Brit finished the #*@! thing last night (behind my back - or under my back as the case may be - I was upstairs soaking in a tub when she put in the final pieces - she was downstairs at the kitchen table).

My plan was to leap (or at least saunter jauntily) into 2010. I was all excited about it, but maybe there will be more falling than leaping.

You know how you can work out your plans (like you were directing an intricate, multi-layered movie), but then Life (or the Beloved or some hitherto unnamed composer) comes along and secretly adds a dissonant soundtrack to the mix?

Well, I had all this leaping planned. But what actually happened was falling. I fell into the puzzle (thereby not spending as much time on projects I had planned - but I did get in some sweet time with Slightly-Brit and my mother). Maryanne Williamson fell into the tub with me. Ok, let's clarify - Maryanne Williamson's book, "The Gift of Change", fell into the tub with me (thereby spoiling a perfect re-read - but I did do some deep breathing and got out of the tub totally relaxed. Aside: books don't appear to swim - go figure).

And then this morning, despite my plans to be up before the sun so I could leap into my first 2010 work week, I got up late (because I fell into bed long after the time I planned - but I got to talk into the wee hours, about everything under the sun, with my most glorious son).

I'm glad I made plans. I'm glad that my life is like an intricate, multi-layered movie. And I'm glad that there's an interplay between my plans and Life's (or the Beloved's or some hitherto unnamed composer's) plans. And mostly I'm glad to be learning to s l o w down and breath deep when a dissonant soundtrack (that initially always seems like a kick in the arse, PITA, annoying intrusion) is added to the mix - because sometimes the addition can be so much better than what I had planned!

*I'm not even fond of jigsaw puzzles. Really! I'm not - my spacial intelligence is negligible - so puzzles (and maps) are not my forte. But when they're right in front of me it's like a siren song: "Karen, c'mere - you could earn an A+++++. You could figure this out." And then there's the even-more dangerous: "Karen, quick - before (__insert name of whoever else is "playing") finds it! Hurry! Hurry. Your reputation depends on finding the piece first! You could win!." (Yea, puzzles are competitive and mean, I'm glad I'm not like them).

Happy New Year

 

This is the last day of Gwen Bell's awesome Best of 2009 Blog Challenge (and, of course, the last day of 2009). I'm grateful to both -- Gwen Bell and the year 2009.

Both brought me so much to reflect on and so many wonderful new people.

Thank you 2009 and thank you (so much) Gwen Bell, you guys changed my life!

So here's today's (final) challenge prompt:

Resolution you wish you'd stuck with. (You know, there's always next year...)

Does this sound like me or what? I can't remember what I wanted to grow/do/be at the start of 2009.

I think I would've mentioned delcuttering if I'd made a resolution list (which I never do, because - I mean really - I'd have to remember that I made one - and where I put it - and why I wrote it -- just too much hassle!). But if I had, I probably would've mentioned decluttering, because I've been seeing that my attraction to mess pulls on my heels when I try to move forward.

So it's likely that I at least had thoughts about decluttering faster - and better - and with more discipline (why is it that one big effort every couple months, combined with lots of pondering about the subject doesn't get the job done??). And it's safe to say (and really easy to show - but I won't frighten you with that right on the cusp of a new year!) that I did not get faster, better or more disciplined with decluttering.

But I have continued the process - and I'm even looking at things differently. I've got more of an eye for organization, more ideas about what I don't need - and how/where to keep what I do.

So I'm heading into 2010 without feeling bad about what I didn't do - and mighty grateful for all the opportunities that came my way, lessons I've learned, and glorious folks I've met throughout 2009.

Maybe next year you can remind me of this (because I will forget): Earlier today Slightly-Brit reminded me of Ali Edwards' One Word post and I jumped over there and added my word for 2010.

My word is "grow". I want to grow my heart, my circle of friends, my business and my influence. I considered the word "growth", but SBD made one of those interesting faces and joked: "What HAVE you got on your head there?" (as in - you've got a growth) and I thought maybe I'd go with "grow", not "growth" - sometimes it makes sense to be careful what you ask for.

I'd love to hear what YOU are looking forward to in 2010.

This is a good time to tell you that I am so very grateful for your visits here. The idea that I can ramble and make myself laugh and sometimes whine - and have wonderful folks like you listen (ok, literally - you're reading, not listening - but it amounts to the same thing) - oh, it blesses my heart. Thank YOU so much!

Ads Give Me Gas

 

Today's Best of 2009 Blog Challenge question is:

Ad. What advertisement made you think this year?

A tiny part of what Emma Alvarez Gibson said in her post for today's #best09 question is:

"...nearly every advertisement I see makes me think. Ads are an obsession. I analyze them ad nauseam..."

I want to write a post about an ad that's made me think. I really do! And I'd like to write one that's witty as well as "deep", like the one Emma wrote (which you can see here).

Or, I'd like to share a few videos (with words of wisdom) like my friend Jeanne did here. Some of her wisdom words were:

"at a deeper level, advertising mostly illuminates the vital need for teaching, encouraging, practicing independent thinking skills . . ."

Really! I so agree, Jeanne.

But I'm not doing either of those. And for anyone out there who is wondering, I do like to think. Sometimes. And I'm sure that there was an advertisement that made me think. I just can't think of it. Right now.

What I do remember is one that made me giggle. But not right away. In truth, I missed the undoubtedly unplanned double meaning until Slightly-Brit pointed it out - even though it was a commercial that played repeatedly during games at the end of the 2009 Baseball.

I believe it was an advertisement for Hyundai. And it showed, of course, a car - and told, of course, all that you'd be blessed with if you bought said car. But then the voice in the commercial told about an added extra: "We're giving you something else (poignant pause) - gas!"

The world is full of the sublime and the ridiculous - I seem to gravitate toward the ridiculous - just saying.

Belly Laughing Through 2009

 

Today's Best of 2009 Blog Challenge question is:

Laugh. What was your biggest belly laugh of the year?

One? One belly laugh? I can't think of a specific one. Nope, can't do it. But I can think of the situations, occasions and folks that belly laughs are usually associated with in my life.

Around here we've laughed hard and often at the nasty-funny comedy show It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. And (lovingly) at each other's foibles. And Slightly-Brit's dry humor will often cause me to roar with laughter.

But, for me, the biggest belly laughs are usually associated with visits from Little Princess. We've had a lot of belly laughs while Slightly-Brit is trying to put us to bed. Let me explain...

When LP visits she sleeps in Slightly-Brit's room. And when it's time for her to hit the hay SBD, LP and I all head on up to the room - because SBD reads to us from the best books on earth. The plan is for me to aid and abet getting Little Princess to fall asleep. She loves being here and doesn't want to miss anything - so she fights sleep BIG time!

And though I'm supposed to help, I'm usually kind of worn by the time we head up to bed - and when I'm worn I'm giddy, goofy and weird (oh stop it! Do NOT ask me how you can tell the difference between worn times and normal times!).

Many, many times I've said something silly (when we're supposed to be quiet) to get a giggle out of Little Princess - causing her nearly-sleepiness to disappear completely. Really, it's a wonder Slightly-Brit lets me take part in the bedtime ritual at all!

And many, many, many times Little Princess has said something that just tosses me right over the edge of silliness into wild belly laugh guffawing. Which is, as you know, contagious. So I'll be belly laughing to beat the band and then LP will catch it and I'll be slowing down - but I'll be infected again by her laughter - and it goes on for quite some time (or until I fall asleep grinning and leave LP wide awake and SBD reading till the cows come home. Which is why, again, I wonder how it is that SBD hasn't banned me from the bedtime ritual).

I thought it'd be nice to let you in on some of the guffaw-inducing comments, but when I typed them out it seemed prudent not to tell you. Not that there's anything wrong with them, or even (good heavens - LP is 6!) anything nasty-It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia-ish about them. It's just that they lose something by virtue of you not being here when it's late and we're all tired and giddy and goofy and weird.

But one day we'll have to have a BIG slumber party - you'll be invited - then you'll see what I mean.

Paper Matters

 

Today's Best of 2009 Blog Challenge question is:

Stationery. When you touch the paper, your heart melts. The ink flows from the pen. What was your stationery find of the year?

(hey, did you read that line of mine above: "Today's Best of 2009 Blog Challenge question is:" Today's! - not yesterday's or all of last week's - I'm caught up!!)

I love paper. I craved new notebooks when I was a kid. When I was in high school and had my own money I spent the majority of my earnings on stationery. I loved browsing through stationery and card stores and finding just the right paper for my voluminous letters (who woulda thunk?).

When I was older - and even up to when my girls were young there were still a number of great paper shops around my area - independent stationery shops. But now I only know of one - sigh.

I'm just now finding out that there's paper to be had through etsy - and I'm excited about that. And I'll be sure to post about my finds. But for now - my stationery find of the year is MOLESKINE® notebooks. Slightly-British Daughter introduced me to them right before my trip to Portland in the summer.

She actually had been trying to get us together for a couple years - but we finally met and fell in love right before my trip. I bought a package of three naked MOLESKINE® notebooks ("naked" meaning = they had plain, paper bag brown covers), which I planned to decorate. I haven't dressed them up yet, but I certainly have written in them.

The paper feels delicious - smooth and ready to grab onto my words. At first I was in awe of the pages, and tried to "keep" them - the way people keep the good china for ? better days ?. But now I've scribbled all over them - starting at the back, then the front, then beginning a new section right in the middle -- all the Square-Peg, non-logical stuff I always do with notebooks (making finding old notes a real adventure).

That's my paper love story, what's yours? And I'm wondering, has anyone else bought scadzillion boxes of stationery and scadzillion more little boxes of note-cards (which I rarely used because - hello, could I possibly write anything as short as a note?) and saved AT LEAST one piece (and maybe two, because you just never know) from each box because they were just too gorgeous/good/fantastic to be gone and you needed to never forget them??

MOLESKINE ® is a trademark registered by Moleskine S.r.l.

Short and Sweet - More Things to Love about 2009

 

I didn't plan on taking a vacation from the internet, but that's what happened. I was scurrying and hurrying and last-minuteing my holiday prep, so I only got to stick my nose into other people's blogs a couple times a day - and didn't get to write anything myself for a few days.

And - oh! - the Twitter cravings - what can I say?

But I'm back now and I've got some catching up to do with the Best of 2009 Challenge. So here we go:

December 23 Web tool. It came into your work flow this year and now you couldn't live without it. It has simplified or improved your online experience.

Is Skype a web tool? I don't know - I use it while connected to the web, so I'm guessing it qualifies. And it's improved my life - not sure if it's improved my online experience. Sigh - I'm just so not sure of what actually counts as a web tool.

It's my guess that a laptop is not a web tool (big grin), but !wow! having a laptop improved my online experience immensely! And it's a tool that does connect me to the web - so there! And I definitely could not live without it!

December 24 Learning experience. What was a lesson you learned this year that changed you?

I learned how to "mother"/nurture Abby Normal, my inner abandoned child (who can cause me so much trouble!). I've actually had fun with the process - besides being so grateful for a new way to understand and work with waves of feelings that were cropping up a lot in 2009!

December 25 Gift. What's a gift you gave yourself this year that has kept on giving?

This one got me thinking - in a year of tight finances what was the gift I gave myself that has kept on giving? Hmmm - was it coaching or therapy? or travel? (all of which have blessed my socks off this year and will continue to give).

Or was it the plump jeans I bought when my others got tight? They were a gift - my first instinct was to give myself heavy (no pun intended) grief about why I needed them, but instead I decided to be comfortable - that's a gift!

What I finally decided is: the gift I gave myself (that has - and will - keep on giving) is FRIENDS! I've grown some awesome friendships - which takes time and trust and working on things and realizing things and accepting things and opening up and...

friends are priceless! What a great gift.

December 26 Insight or aha! moment. What was your epiphany of the year?

I really learned (deep down - so maybe I won't forget it for long stretches?!) that when I take the time to listen to all the parts of myself, when I q u i e t down and listen, even (or, especially) to the contrary parts - and accept all the parts of myself (which is surprisingly easy when I q u i e t down and listen) things go way smoother. Life is better, brighter and less likely to feel like it's going to bite me in the ass.

(see Abby Normal note in "Learning Experience" above)

December 27 Social web moment. Did you meet someone you used to only know from her blog? Did you discover Twitter? 

Hey, Ms. Mind Reader Gwen Bell, how did you know? I did discover Twitter - and at first I didn't "get" it - although trying to fit my rambling thoughts into 140 characters was kind of fun.

But after watching for awhile (and also after going to Barbara Sher's WriteSpeak retreat in Saluda and hearing Barbara talk about how she uses Twitter) and jumping in - even though I didn't quite know what I was doing - I found out how much fun it is.

I've met so many people through Twitter - especially since the start of Gwen Bell's awesome Best of 2009 Blog Challenge. So yep, Twitter is the social web happy thing for me!

Whew! Now I'm caught up again - and free to run behind (again). And now I'd like to know how YOU answer the Challenge questions - let me know, pretty please!

Shining Star

 

Story of my life - I'm going backwards here. Yesterday's Best of 2009 Blog Challenge question was: 

Project. What did you start this year that you're proud of?

and I'll get to that. But I'm starting with today's question:

Startup. What's a business that you found this year that you love? Who thought it up? What makes it special?

Wellllll, I don't think Jen Lee started writing in 2009, but I joined in on her Portfolio Project in January of this year -- and only found her blog a teeny bit earlier than that. So, to me, jenlee.net is the startup find of the year.

"The Portfolio Project" got me writing often - I committed to it and followed through because I said I would. Being part of the The Project made it work and made it stick.

Jen Lee is a storyteller extraordinaire. I love listening to her recording (and her podcasts AND reading her writing!) and one day I hope to hear her do a story-telling in person. I first bought her recording, then had to have one for a dear friend - I knew she'd love it -and she did.

Later I got a copy of Jen's journal - and got one to use for a give-away on the blog. Because I knew someone would love to have it - and they did.

Then picked up the tiny, pocket-sized storybook - and another for a friend, who I know will love it (she should be opening it pretty soon - and she will!).

It's pretty much guaranteed that if your heart softens with stories of courage and vulnerability, you're going to love this shining star!

Project. What did you start this year that you're proud of?

Easy! My body-mindfulness/body-image/body-connection project: Choosing Me: Finding Comfort, Joy and Beauty in the Me I am NOW!

I did a teleclass - and a follow up teleclass - on these subjects some time ago. And I loved the energy in the classes and the interaction (before, during and after the calls) about the topic, but I didn't see body stuff as something I'd do a lot with.

I dissociated from my body for more than half my life. So - really - would I be the one to talk (more than in passing) about being in relation to your body?

Um, yea - it would seem so. I've joked about Choosing Me being one of those "you teach what you need to learn" things, but (no joke!) it is exactly that! 

I'm always finding ways to come back into relationship with my body, because I frequently go into default mode (which for me means being a walking head). And I love to share those ways of re-uniting!

So Choosing Me has become more than a recording, it's a project - with an e-book and classes and more coming in the future. I am so enjoying working on this!

A Day Late and a Dollar Short

 

My dad used to say "A day late and a dollar short" (in a pejorative sense) to describe people who weren't up to snuff in his book (have I used - and/or mixed - a few metaphors here?).

I'm using the phrase (with a smile) today to describe myself as I catch up (again) with the Best of 2009 Blog Challenge.

I think there are good things, or at least interesting things, to be found when I'm a day late and/or a dollar short.

If I spent some of the time, when I might have been blogging, fluffing things up for unexpected guests (which I did, and they were) I might find my heart opening a bit.

If I spent even more time that could have been spent blogging de-stressing after said guests left (because I am a Myers-Briggs "I" - and overnight guests are a stretch, even when they are my son's guests) by knitting a doll sweater and crocheting a Christmas-colors doll-house rug for my granddaughter - I might (yet to be seen) have the pleasure of seeing Little Princess's (granddaughter) eyes light up - and I might (I did) find myself grounded and joyfilled.

If I'm "a dollar short" (in actual cash or in supplies) I might wake up after the recent blizzard (I did) and find that, though I've forgotten (yet again) to get a snow shovel (the one - I said "one"!! we have is the old, extremely heavy - heart-attack-inducing kind), the new neighbor across the street (he did!) used his snow blower to clear our sidewalks (even though we live in a corner house and our sidewalks go on forever!!).

Or, if I'm a dollar short, I might be unexpectedly gifted in ways that I would not have expected or opened to if I had been dollar laden (see my response to the "word" challenge question below).

It seems like maybe "A day late and a dollar short" has its rewards - below is my day(s) late, "dollars" short catch up for December 17 - 20 in the #best09 Challenge:

Word or phrase. A word that encapsulates your year. "2009 was _____."

Open. It was hard for me to come up with one word to describe the year, but "open" fits best.

This year I said I wanted to grow into a person who could have the nickname "Heart as big as the Sky" (yea, that's a name and a half isn't it? - in more ways than one. And I guess it'd have to be shortened - and surely someone would shorten it to just "Big", which would probably get on my nerves. But I digress...

I wanted my heart to grow - and it did. And that involved opening to many things and opportunities and giftings that I would never have opened to before (I have a little bitty tendency to be more comfortable doing things for people than in accepting things or opportunities from people).

Like the huge hospitality of the pal who invited me to Arch Cape this summer, or the laptop my mom gave me (I feel like a real interwebber now!), or the Barbara Sher WriteSpeak program I was gifted with, or the eye and heart-opening insights (and let's not even get into the acceptance and growth and change) that working with Narrative Therapist Bonnie Miller brought me...

Shop. Online or offline, where did you spend most of your mad money this year?

Etsy. Yep, one word covers it. But hey, this is Square-Peg Karen, and I don't do one word things, so let me go on. Slightly-British Daughter has been the one to open my eyes to Etsy. She's pointed me to a zillion (and a half) unbelievably talented, delightful folks on Etsy. And if you're an Etsy-er and you haven't heard from me yet (see above "dollar short" info), keep on doing your thang, I'm coming - it just might take me awhile.

Car ride. What did you see? How did it smell? Did you eat anything as you drove there? Who were you with?

Arch cape and Portland - OMG! Wendy (she was IN the truck, so I didn't actually see her on the ride, but more like in the ride) and the beauty and clean-ness of Portland airport - the breathtaking Powell's, the Zine symposium and folks we met there...Drinking frappachino's (after explaining what I meant by frappachino) that we bought from road-side coffee shops - coffee drive-thru's (nothing like that where I live). I repeat: OMG!!

New person. She came into your life and turned it upside down. He went out of his way to provide incredible customer service. Who is your unsung hero of 2009?

Davielle and Jeanne. The princess magpie and the barefoot heart, respectively. I met Davielle through the glorious read-along that Brené Brown ran - and she now has a permanent room in my heart. And I met, through Gwen Bell's Best of 2009 Blog Challenge, the lovely and uncannily-alike (we might just be twins separated at birth) Jeanne.

p.s. Davi (the princess) and Jeanne (the heart) have blogs (the links above) - so you can have the pleasure of meeting them too!! Come on, we'll have a party!

Your turn - your word for the year, shop, car ride and new person (any one or all of them) - I'm looking forward to knowing more about YOU, please tell!

p.p.s. If I had lots of days and loads of dollars, I'd probably like to spend plenty of both in the store (pictured above) attached to a local nursery - awesome lovely!

Coffee, Tea or...

Yesterday's Best of 2009 Blog Challenge question was:

Tea of the year. I can taste my favorite tea right now. What's yours?

Currently my favorite tea is coffee. Junk coffee (no real coffee-lover would approve) - a couple spoonfuls of a mocha mix and half a teaspoon of instant coffee. 

But when I settle down and appreciate tea (it used to be at the center of most of my over-the-kitchen-table socializing) my favorite is Bencheley's Apricot tea.

When I get a chance to enjoy Wild Violets, a local tea shop in an ("an" or "a"? hmmmm) historic building, I sometimes experiment with green teas or a Rooibos. And, for the record, I don't like bergamot - it hits me the way coffee used to -- I like the smell, but gag at the taste. Is that maybe just a little too much Karen trivia?

Ok, how about YOU? I need to know in case you drop in for tea! Now that would be fun!