Square-Peg Reflections

What's All this Fuss About Worthiness

 

I don't know about you, but lately I've been seeing (and hearing) a lot about worthiness. Even when the topic of something I read (or hear) isn't directly about worthiness it's often been the underlying subject. So, what's all this fuss about worthiness?

Am I worthy - are you? Even when we're not doing at all? When we're simply being? How about when we're empty?

Variations of this question have been running through my mind lately. Actually, the variations aren't so much about if I'm worthy - or if you are - because I believe, in my core, that we ARE! My thought-questions are wrapped around how, whether and when I'm honoring the fact (living it) that we are worthy.

I'm a huge proponent of BE-ing!

I'm a huge proponent of BE-ing - when it comes to YOU.

But often, for myself, I judge (softly, but still...)

I sigh about what I've done (or not done) in regards to business that day, about whether I am caught up with all my correspondence (as if), or whether the house or gardens are magazine-worthy (ok, that's a lie - they're usually a right royal mess - and I worry more about the Board of Health visiting), et cetera...

So I reflect - and sigh - and feel, well - unworthy. Even though, down to my core, I know that I am (and YOU are) worthy - absolutely! No ifs, ands or buts (or butts - just sayin').

So, what is all the fuss about worthiness? Why does it crop up so often? Why is it so #@!-ing hard to remember to live in the truth of our worthiness - of our (individually) worthiness - to grant ourselves the same grace and compassion that we can very easily grant others?

I know a few things about worthiness:

I know that it's hard to remember our worthiness in a culture that spreads lies about our worth (pointing to what's wrong with us) to fuel a consumption economy.

I know that realizing - and living in (both head & heart knowledge are vital) our worthiness is foundational to how we take our place in the world. 

and

I know that reminders (which, for me, usually come through written words) of my worthiness help me put things in perspective - help me re-remember that I am worthy - and help me live into that knowledge. I also know that my struggles with worthiness are mostly around doing vs. BE-ing (that might be obvious here - grin).

What I'd like to know is:

When and how do you struggle with worthiness? How do you know you're worthy - and how do you live it? What feeds your worthiness; what are your reminders?

This post is a riff on one I wrote a couple years ago, called What's All the #@!-ing Fuss about Worthiness.

There Are Stars

 

 

As mentioned in the previous post, Empty, I've been having trouble getting started in 2012. This isn't what I expected. And, granted - the year is far from over. But still, I expected more shiny - more bright...

I look around me and notice that 2012's begun with a lot of down time. Not just the usual Northern Hemisphere's winter rest, introspection and reflection kind of down time,

but down time - the doldrums (stuck-ness), deep sadness - and even grief. Actually, lots of grief!

Many people I know and care about (online and in person) went through the holiday season (and on into the beginning of 2012) with significant grief, having lost a loved one (or more than one!) - or with serious health issues.

I look inside myself and notice grief, sadness and stuck-ness at times as well.

WTF? (or, if you prefer the polite version: What the what?)

I was at the Michener Museum the other day (these seemingly disparate topics will come together). There's a lot to love at the Michener*, but right now I want to tell you about a couple paintings that really grabbed me.

They were landscape paintings by George Sotter - with deep, dark purple-blue night skies and tiny, brilliant stars. What grabbed me? The contrast. The eye and heart opening contrast!

The stars stand out in those paintings. There's something about those pinpoints of light - about how they change the darkness, even a whole sky's worth of it. They give me hope: remind me that, no matter how dark it is, one tiny bit of light breaks up the darkness.

And, interestingly - there's also something about the darkness - how the depth of the darkness is what causes those pinpoints of light to stand out! That the stars wouldn't look so bright, wouldn't call to me - if they weren't in the dark.

I was expecting more shiny - more bright - in 2012; and I got it (even though I wasn't noticing) - there are stars! (ah, see - I told you the topics would come together)

The beginning of 2012's been like Sotter's paintings - there's a lot of dark, but there are stars!

Something else interesting (that doesn't show up in the paintings): those stars - they are there even when we can't see them.

 

*One of the many things to love: the fact that it used to be a prison (where I worked occasionally). On the Michener Museum site they tell us: "the old Bucks County jail, once a place of fear and despair, has been transformed into a welcoming center of culture and beauty..." (so true! so beautiful! talk about stars!!!)

Empty

 

I'm having a hard time getting started in 2012.

Actually, I've been working on a different post that starts with those exact words. I'll share it with you another day, but today I'm going to share my empty altar.

The inspiring Jeanne Hewell-Chambers created a site called 365 Altars. I love her idea of making daily altars, but I've been slow getting starting with it (see note above about having a hard time getting started in 2012)...

Last night I wrote Jeanne to tell her how much I appreciate 365 Altars - and noted that I was going to make an altar before going to bed, to set the tone for today.

I didn't - sigh - because (say it with me, please): I'm having a hard time getting started in 2012 (thank you).

In the morning I struggled to figure out what to put in/on my altar (and multitasked by simultaneously berating myself because I didn't make the altar last night - which really goes against my self-care principles).

I couldn't think of anything. Nothing - blank. Then this bowl (pictured above) came to mind.

Empty.

Yes, an empty bowl. That fits. It doesn't exactly set the tone for what I want, but it sure sums up where I'm at.

I've been trying (the word "trying" is important here) to get started in 2012 - trying to get hold of something. Trying to grab something...

I can picture Slightly-British Daughter trying to catch a beam of sunlight (I'm talking about when she was a wee one; she almost never does this now, although I bet I could still get her to try to catch water) - reaching and grabbing and having nothing to show for it.

I've been doing that. And I have the same thing to show for it: nothing.

So I gave up! I picked an empty bowl for my altar.

My altar is empty today, but it's also open (to receive?). And though it doesn't catch the light (doesn't grab it or hold onto it), it reflects light...

beautifully (if I do say so myself).

 

A Gift for YOU

 

Slightly-British Daughter rolled gorgeous photography & great quotes together into a lovely 2012 Square-Peg calendar as a gift for YOU!

It's a Square-Peg calendar because the quotes inspire & encourage us to BE our Square-Peg selves - a relish-your-uniqueness kind of thing.

It's set up as an 8.5" X 11", 12-month calendar that you print yourself - and looks best printed on cardstock or matte photo paper (don't forget to hit "Scale to Fit" on your Print Screen to keep the images from getting chopped off at the bottom).

Here are some shots of the photographs/quotes so you can see how lovely the calendar is (psst - these are just screen shots, so not of the same quality as the calendar itself):

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So go on, go unwrap your gift. I mean - go download your calendar. And have a Happy New Year!

(You'll need Adobe Reader to open the .pdf file - if you don't already have it you can download one here.)

Download 2012 Square-Peg Calendar

 

Muah,

Karen & Lauren (aka Slightly-British Daughter)

 

Holiday Reads

Books make great presents, great company, great insulation (if you can get enough of them to stack against your walls) - especially during the holidays. Wait! IS there any one special time for books? Books are great ALL the time, right?

Well, holiday books are probably great-est during the holidays - so, since it's that time again here are links to 3 Square-Peg posts that have mini-reviews of favorite holiday books.

There's the holiday humor books post, Holiday Book List (so brilliantly titled, right?).

And the aptly named post Favorite Holiday Books for Kids, and

then there's Oh Hell, it's the Holy Holly Holiday Reading List - books wrapped around the spiritual (because why wouldn't I write a Scrooge-sounding post title, with the word "hell" in it, when I'm sharing my favorite spiritual holiday books - huh?).

I hope that, in one of the posts, you'll find a book title that you can't wait to read (or one you loved but forgot) - and I'm also hoping that you'll add to the lists by naming your favorites in the comment sections.

Happy Reading!

 

Community

 

The tea is brewing, tea cups are out - (the picture above is from one of my favorite local tea shops) - please join in the communiTEA (ok, I just might need a nap) at Bliss Habits.

Kathy Sprinkle has a fantastic site and community over there and I'm proud to have a guest post in the Community section, it's called Community is an Inside Job. Click on the link and come visit (pssst - I can sneak YOU a hot toddy!).

Grace Notes

A couple~few whiles ago (I'm time imparied, can you tell?) I found a heart-opening post on the interweb. The story was robed in grace. I read it - and reread it, pointed to it - and shared it with Slightly-British Daughter on a car ride.

I can't define grace. I've often said that grace is, for me, like the porn thing. Remember when Justice Potter Stewart, of the U.S. Supreme Court (when he couldn't come up with an exact definition of porn) said: "I know it when I see it."?

Even though I can't define grace, I was quite taken by the grace in the grace-robed story. Because I know grace when I see it (or read it).

As we drove along I decided to tell the story to Slightly-Brit (who, btw, is an adult - which will matter as you read on). While blinking back tears (I was so choked up), I began to share...

But mid-tell someone who'd been riding my tail for miles finally distracted me past patience.

And there, with the grace story still sticking to my tongue, and tears still welling up in my eyes (because I was so choked up), and The Peace Center license plate still displayed on the front of my car (because I'm proud that my son volunteered there for years - and I believe in peace - and everything to do with nonviolent communication)...

I shouted: "Get off my ass you fucking dick-head!"

And even though I can't define grace it was pretty easy to figure out that that was not grace. At all.

One good thing I can say about my shouting is (besides being glad the windows were closed): it was so loud that it woke me up to the hypocrite thing pretty quickly.

What came next was a kind of grace.

The ludicrousness of my telling a grace story while shouting profanity must've rolled over Slightly-Brit and I at the same time.

We shared a wry smile (one of those ain't-life-wierd smiles. Or maybe, in SBD's case, it was an ain't-my-mother-wierd smile).

Quickly adding more ludicrousness, I looked over my shoulder at the guy who'd been riding my tail and repeated a phrase from my childhood church experience: "The Lord be with you."

Slightly-Brit just as quickly added a phrase from her childhood church experience: "And also with you."

Then we laughed so hard I almost had to pull over.

Grace isn't just for other people. Sometimes grace is for ourselves.

Realizing that we're all Bozos on this bus - and that that's life (particularly right when I've auditioned for head clown) - and laughing about it (rather than hating on myself or getting worse) is sometimes as close to grace as I can get.

Having someone with me who saw what was going on - and also didn't hate on me, but instead laughed with me, well - even without being able to define it I think that's grace. Brava Bozo-grace!

Got a grace note moment you'd like to share?

A Round-up of Antidotes to Holiday Angst

If you're feeling holiday angst (or worse) during this hectic season, please visit Support Stories: Strength From Within for an infusion of hope and a dose of: "Whew, it's not just me!"*

Some of my favorite writers joined together, this year and last, to share stories and support - because they care - and they know!  

The stories are inspirational, vulnerable and heart-opening - and reading them wraps my heart in warm, self-loving gentleness.

Come on over to the Support Stories page and warm your heart.

*FYI - The stories are a delight even on days when you're feeling all hunky-dory about the holidays.

Connecting with Tribe

 

 

 

Last week Awhile ago (my how time flies) I shared a post called Why Tribe Matters, which spoke about why we need Tribe - how Tribe strengthens ourSELVES.

In that post I noted: We strengthen ourSELVES when we connect with Tribe - with people who share our loves, our passions, our values - the things that make our hearts beat faster. 

And I asked if you were in danger of mowing down your meadow? (that bizarre question has to do with losing part of your personality - getting merged into the common culture).

This is a follow-up - in this post I list ideas for connecting with Tribe - to make sure your meadow thrives.

The ideas aren't elaborate or ingenious, they're pretty obvious (and easy) - but I forget them, so I'm figuring you might, too - maybe we can all use reminders.

I encourage you to add YOUR ideas to the list through the comment section below.

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Ideas for connecting with Tribe (listed from easiest/most obvious to less obvious/oft neglected)

Hang out with like-minded folks in person:

This is the default idea - the one most people think of first.

And though it isn't always easy to find a local group - or easy for those of us with an Introverted twist to feel comfortable plopping down into a group - it's still something to consider.

You can (sometimes) find like-minded folks to meet locally through Meet-up.com., at Tweetups (in-person gatherings of Twitter folk), through community newspapers or websites listing activities.

And keep your eyes open for the serendipitous note pinned up in the library or local coffee shop enthusiastically promoting a Tribe gathering of some sort.

Hang out with Tribe online:

Contrary to what some folks say - you can find real connection online!

I've met a number of people online, developed connection/relationship there - and then met them (and deepened the connection) in person.

This often works better for me than meeting in person first (yes, I do realize I have a tendency to do things bassackwards - I blame it on being a Square-Peg).

I've also met a number of people online who I've now known for years but never met in person.

And though I can't literally hand these folks a bowl of chicken soup or get a hug from them, some of these friendships are as deep as the ones I have with right-there-in-front-of-me folks.

You can use Google or Twitter searches to find online places where people who share your passions or outlook on life gather.

Get to know people by reading their blogs.

Comment on blogs (or Facebook, Twitter or Google+) where people write about the things you care about -- then keep commenting and connecting.

If other commenters say things that resonate follow up with them (go look at their blog or connect with them through Facebook, Twitter or Google+).

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Then there are those times (I'm not always a fan of them) when people-connections are few and far between. There are varied reasons for this. Sometimes you just need alone time to regroup.

Sometimes it's because Tribes shift - because your passions, loves and values shift (you are growing, right?). This can be a pain in the ass - but that's a whole 'nother blog post.

Here are some ideas for those times.

Other ways to connect with Tribe:

Read (or watch movies, TED talks or videos) by - or about - fellow Tribe members.

The Square-Peg People interviews are a great place to read about (who else?) Square-Peg Tribe members! And many of the women interviewed have sites where you can comment and begin connecting.

For me there have been inward-turning times when books pretty much saved my life. I can't thrive without connection, and sometimes books have been my only (and much-appreciated) life support.

Read biographies (or autobiographies) of artists, writers, quirky folks -- even fictional characters with Tribe-like qualities strengthen yourSELF.

Even though the connection made through reading about fellow Tribe members may seem less personal than sitting down next to them with a cup of tea, the inspiration - the reconnection with Self and your loves, passions - can be just as "real" and intense. 

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Like mentioned above - this is not a complete list. Your input would be a great addition. We all think - and connect - differently, and your suggestion or favorite Tribe-connection idea might be the one that opens connection doors for somebody else...

We do strengthen ourSELVES by keeping our passions, values and loves alive - and connection to Tribe is one of the best ways to do that! 

So, don't let the meadow haters wear you down (yea, maybe it's time to go read that earlier post with the meadow story) - keep connected & connecting to YOUR Tribe (or Tribes)!.

And please remember that locating and connecting with Tribe is a process - it takes time. Be patient (it's worth it).

Inspiring Words About Tribe

 

"It is almost impossible for an individual alone to dissent from this culture. Alternative cultures and communities must be built up to support the dissenting consciousness." 

Rosemary Radford Reuther

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Wanted to share this awesome quote while I'm working on the follow-up to Why Tribe Matters. It speaks to the importance of Tribe finding/creating!

And, of course, didn't want to pass up an opportunity to share this cute picture of Little Princess (who looks like she's trying to decide if she is or isn't part of the Cat Tribe).