Square-Peg Reflections

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Grab a cuppa, get comfy - and let's talk about living as a Square-Peg in a round-hole world.

Consider this your grace space, where we connect around what's right with you, not what's wrong with you!.

Video Visiting

 

I had the great pleasure of talking with Alana Sheeren awhile ago - on Skype, with the videos rolling (rolling? well - whatever. They were working)

 

When Alana asked me to be part of her Transformational Talks I said "Yes!" - I mean, of course, because she's who she is - and her Transformation Talks are deep and beautiful.

 

I said my "Yes!" fast because basically it scared the bejeezus out of me - I'm only just kinda/sorta getting used to being video-d - and in the Transformation Talk I knew I wouldn't be working from a script - just winging it.

 

I was a bit nervous (read: fucking big nervous) right before the call, but did yoga and grounding work before our talk - and also asked Alana about getting rid of nerves (she has an acting history) and she told me that they were just part of the process. Then Alana was sooooo gentle and easy to talk to - so I relaxed (sort of)…

 

But when the video went live last Thursday I had what Brené Brown calls "a vulnerability hangover". Oh. My. Word. I realized that I'd talked about a lot of things that I'd never discussed publicaly before - and I noticed the faces (eyebrow-raising stuff that's quite amazing, actually!) I made - and ohhhhhhhhmy - yep, "vulnerability hangover"!

 

I'm good with the video now - as a matter of fact I LOVE our talk's depth. And, of course, I want to share it with YOU.

 

Here are a few tweets that Alana put up as she shared about our Transformation Talk:

• A lovely convo w/ ‪@squarepegkaren‬ on celebrating what's right, losing a baby & unschooling 
• From grieving parent to recovering psychotherapist to square-peg life support 
• New ‪#TransformationTalk‬: ‪@squarepegkaren‬ on why she'd have to use her magic wand decoratively 
• On being drawn to that space between life & death. ‪@squarepegkaren‬ in new ‪#TransformationTalk‬ 

Wanna see? Here's the link (and check out Alana's other Transformation Talks - it's a fantastic series!).

 

fyi, we have a Square-Peg People Interview of Alana Sheeren which I love - come meet her!

 

How do we accept and celebrate our uniqueness? Where do we find community?

This is what we talk about in our brand-new e-guide packages: Square-Peg Celebration & Community is an Inside Job.

Hop on over to the Shop and read more (don't forget to listen to the free MP3 samples!).

What Do You Do If You Step In It?

 

(psst - I'm here a couple days after writing the post below to let you know something I forgot to say in the post. Something important I forgot to say IN the post, which is that the 5 min. video I mentioned talks about what to do if you step in it - hence the title)

 

While I was preparing to make a video for Dian Reid's* Summer of Authenticity (Fully Alive!) blog series I got nervous. 

 

I was nervous first off because making videos always makes me nervous. And then I was nervous because I wasn't sure Dian would appreciate my use of, well - let's just say colorful language on her blog - and I didn't want to offend her readers.

 

Add to that my usual nervousness around "am I making sense here?" and "does anyone give a flying ___?" -

 

ok, so I was nervous - or, to use another phrase: afraid I'd stepped in shit (or was about to). But I finished the video and sent the link to Dian, who loved it - and added it to the Summer of Authenticity series (go see, go see!!).

 

And I lived to tell about it. 

 

Turns out I did not step in it. Which is not a subtle message to YOU to go do something you're nervous about. 

 

I trust that YOU know when to push and when not to. Personally, I'm allergic to being pushed (which is why reverse psychology is a good way to get me to do something I don't want to do - just ask my fam).

 

I just wanted to share a bit of story around the video (sometimes looking at other people's finished projects makes it easy, at least for me, to assume that it was easy for them - and that when things are hard there's something wrong with me) - and to share the link.

 

Also! Ohmyword! I want to suggest that you close your eyes - then open them again - and look afresh at Square-Peg People! We got face-lifted (thanks to Slightly-British Daughter, Lauren)!! Aren't we just so darn cute?? 

 

*check out the Square-Peg Interview With Dian Reid.

 

How do we accept and celebrate our uniqueness? Where do we find community?

This is what we talk about in our brand-new e-guide packages: Square-Peg Celebration & Community is an Inside Job.

Hop on over to the Shop and read more (don't forget to listen to the free MP3 samples!).

Your Body - What's to Love?

 

 

It's summertime (at least here on the U.S. East Coast)! Ok, not officially - but we have had summer weather (even a first heat wave last week - ack!).

And so…we're already seeing a lot of "get that lard ass into shape" advertising (and blog posts) - and will likely see more as the season progresses.

How'z about, to counteract that crap, we do some Square-Peg (mindful nonconformist) counter-culture-y body loving instead!

I'll start!

Awhile back, here on Square-Peg People, we had a series of posts called Body Part Wednesday (the picture above was the logo).

The posts were interactive (I'd share a story about one of my own body parts and ask that readers share theirs) - and meant to bring attention & awareness (which is foundational to love) to different parts of our bodies.

Here are links to some of those posts:

Fun Feet (this one still makes me laugh - and blush)

My Left Breast, this one was written by my friend Luna (aka Maripat Oberg)  the rest are by yours truly -

Shoulders

Hair

This one's about butts - it's a recording.

 

Your turn: Whatcha got?

Point to something (a post - yours or someone else's, a pin on Pinterest, whatevva)

that reminds you that your body - NOW - is wonderful and awe-inspiring! Or makes you giggle

(but not in a snicky way - in the adoring way a mama would giggle at her babe's attempts to grab shafts of sunlight).

So what's to love about YOUR body? Everything!

Muah!

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Want more body-loving encouragement and inspiration? Check out Choosing Me! Body Connection ~ Body Love (MP3 recording & transcript) -

You can listen to a bit of the recording on this page, just click on the free preview button in the middle of the page.

Choosing Me! offers: 

• stories that show how thinking affects our behavior (and how other people see us) 
• playful exercises and imagery to help you shift to a lighter, freer, gentler focus 
• ideas for setting up your own ongoing positive body-relationship experiences 
• tools and imagery to use again and again

Where Am I?

Don't worry - I haven't lost my mind (well, there may be differences of opinion on that one) - I know where I am. I was just wondering if YOU knew.

In case you didn't: I'm visiting Charlotte Rains Dixon at her blog Word Strumpet, where I have a guest post up entitled Creative Fuel. 

 

Charlotte's giving away a copy of Square-Peg Celebration: Stories of Acceptance & Grace, so head on over there!

Square-Peg Celebration is one of our (Slightly-British Daughter and I teamed up on these) two new themed-packages (PDF e-guide + MP3 recording) that you can read about by clicking on the link above.

I'm excited about other blog "trips" I'll be making this summer - connecting with some incredible Square-Pegs. Stay tuned to find out more : )

How do we accept and celebrate our uniqueness? Where do we find community?

This is what we talk about in our brand-new e-guide packages: Square-Peg Celebration & Community is an Inside Job.

Hop on over to the Shop and read more (don't forget to listen to the free MP3 samples!).

Some Encouragement - and a Little Info

 

 

A Little Info: Are YOU on Pinterest? I set myself up there awhile back, but abandoned it when there was a whole lotta ruckus around people not getting due credit (links back to the source of an image).

 

Welllll, I'm back now (with an understanding of how you give due credit) and very interested in seeing what other Square-Pegs are pinning (this could become an addiction!). I love seeing what folks name their boards almost as much as seeing what they put on them.

Holler over if you're on Pinterest!

Some Encouragement: Before sharing a couple X-tremely encouraging links, I'd like to ask you to share some encouragement. I'd like you to LIKE a Facebook page if this (below) resonates with you.

I met a gal who's been crocheting like a wild-woman in response to a dying request from her sister (I can't remember the # of chemo caps she's made - but I remember that the # was so high it made me dizzy!). 

June 4th (6/04) is her sister's birthday - and to commemorate the date (and honor her sister) the gal is hoping for 604 LIKES on the Chemo Caps for Jenn Facebook page.

If you're on FB, please consider LIKE-ing this page. : )

Musical Encouragement: If you like Tracy Chapman or Pavarotti (or even if you don't - coz you will not believe how gorgeous this is until you hear it) head on over to this YouTube video to see and hear this incredible mashup! The song keeps running through my head, which keeps making me tear up - it is SO beautiful. Hope YOU like it too!

Heart Encouragement: Well, the musical encouragement above is heart encouragement, but there's a possibility that our musical tastes might not be the same. This TED talk is huge heart encouragement that I think any and every Square-Peg will love.

Shane Koyczan's TED talk grabbed my heart hard! From resonant tears (ohmygod he brought back memories!) to laughter (of the roflmao variety) in response to the "Smarter than the average bear, Motherfucker!" line - ohohandOH! This is the A++++ of fantastically encouraging videos! Another hugely encouraging video on the site is: Instructions for a Bad Day!

Thank you beautiful, wonder-full, wise Lisa Hofmann, for sharing the link! (p.s. Go meet Lisa - she's an encouraging gal!!)

A Little Bit More Info: Did you know that you can download 2 complete stories/essays/bits of encouragement (kinda hard to only use one name for these MP3's) from our* new packages?

Well, you can! It's like having me over for tea, but without having to clean the extra cup.

Yep - just head over to these links to read about the packages:

Square-Peg Celebration: Stories Of Acceptance & Grace
 

AND 

Community is an Inside Job: Support & Connection From The Inside Out -

and on each page there's a full sample to download (no sign-up, nothing required - well, except ears).

 

Go listen, and if you want more - pick up the package (did you know that if you buy both packages together you save $10.? Yep, that's true too).

 

*using the word "our" here to refer to Slightly-British Daughter and myself - it was a joint project!!

Waving!

Winston Churchill's Black Dog (plus a giveaway)

 

Here's a little (5 minute) video in which I talk about Winston Churchill's black dog (depression) and some things I've learned about dealing with that damn dog.

Toward the end I tell you how to enter the drawing for a Square-Peg package giveaway (it's easy).

The giveaway contest ends 11:59 pm Eastern - Friday, May 17. Two names will be chosen - and the winner announced Saturday, May 18th.

Watch now!

 

 

Jessica and Lori, your names were picked from a hat (by my lovely li'l granddaughter, who's visiting this weekend). Yea Lori and Jessica! Thanks everyone who entered the contest!!

How do we accept and celebrate our uniqueness? Where do we find community?

This is what we talk about in our brand-new e-guide packages: Square-Peg Celebration & Community is an Inside Job.

Hop on over to the Shop and read more (don't forget to listen to the free MP3 samples!).

Interview with Alana Sheeren

 

"Emotional Alchemist and Deep Conversation Catalyst"

 

I met Alana online and had been following her blog (enjoying her writing and her presence) when, almost 3 years ago, I read something she wrote and gasped.

Tears rolled down my face as I read that Alana's son Benjamin had been stillborn - and I gasped when I read that she was going to put her coaching blog on hold and share her grief journey with her readers. What open-ness, what vulnerability!

Alana shared her journey (and that of her family) in the blog Life After Benjamin. Later she wrote a beautiful guide Picking Up the Pieces: Thoughts on grief and growth and appeared at a TedX event (which I can almost guarantee will cause YOU to gasp due to Alana's connective onstage presence and her open-ness).

She has called herself a "grief alchemist" and speaks beautifully (I am using the word beautifully quite consciously here) - heart-openingly beautifully about grief and its transforming power!

And she still causes me to gasp! As Alana began answering the question "What is Your Favorite Square-Peg Trait?" my head was bopping up and down in agreement when she mentioned her ability to laugh. Then I literally gasped (I had to stop for a minute and take a breath) when Alana spoke her new favorite trait! Read on, you'll see.

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How Do You See Yourself as a Square-Peg?

You know, I think it's really common with people who are highly sensitive, or creative, or artistic - to feel an otherness growing up. I definitely felt like I didn't quite fit in for a lot of my life.

As a grown up I feel lucky to have built a community that really feels good - a couple communities actually, to satisfy different parts of my life.

I think that where I'm feeling really Square-Peggish right now is in my business. I'm trying to learn business skills so I can earn money, yet I'm overwhelmed by this desire to lead with my heart and soul.

So I'm feeling this: Hmmm - ok, so how do I take this information, this: "You have to do X, Y and Z to be a successful entrepreneur!", and really make it work for me?

It's scary sometimes to follow our own intuition and our own voice when everybody's saying: "Do it this way! Do it this way! Do it this way!" Especially when the results aren't immediately apparent.

So I don't know, I feel like there are a couple different ways I feel like a Square-Peg. As a human being - a lot of the time! Growing up I didn't quite feel like I fit in - and now, as an adult, making choices that make me feel good about me but don't always fit with what people want from me in my life.

I spent a lot of my life where my priority was figuring out what people wanted from me and giving it to them.

It's been a really big (but gradual) switch - and of course it's not completely over.

How Do You Maintain Your Square-Pegness (in a round-hole world)?

Hmmm, it takes a a lot of internal commitment and strength. To me it's really about taking the time to listen to myself and to get clear about where I'm getting pulled and where I'm initiating action.

I'm really learning to live in trust, like: "Ok, this feels important to me, this feels right to me. I don't know where this is taking me, but I'm going to take the step and as long as it feels good I'll continue to move in this direction."

But also giving myself permission to change my mind and turn left when I thought I was going right.

For me that practice started a long time ago. I remember a real clarity when I was going back to get my Masters in Clinical Psychology. I said: "I don't know if this is the right direction for me, but I'll continue to move in this direction as long as it feels good and right."

And that feeling took me through my masters degree - and then when it came time to get an intern number, and get my hours - to become a therapist, it was like: "I don't want to do this!

I just spent $30,000 on a degree - but at the same time it's not like it's wasted time - I've learned so much, I've changed so much, but I don't want to be a therapist!"

"Ok", I thought, "I was going to turn right here, but I'm going to turn left."

And of course it's all been perfect. Incredibly challenging, but perfect.

{I asked Alana when this took place}

I went back to school in 2005. I had been living in Los Angeles as an actor, met my husband and we got married in 2004. Then, 5 months into our marriage, it fell apart and we separated for awhile.

The process of rebuilding our marriage made me want to go back to school to become a therapist. It was life changing for me. As hard as it was I'm incredibly grateful for it - I also think it was preparation for what was to come!

Did Benjamin's stillbirth contribute to your Square-Peg feeling? 

You know, it's actually very interesting that you asked that question - because it does. A couple things are coming to mind here:

One, having a stillbirth makes most people feel like they're different because it's still such a hidden loss. It's not talked about even though the statistics are staggering.

There's that feeling of walking around with a mark on your soul that makes you feel - that makes me feel different.

The other thing that's a part of that is that I'm now (even though I've had four pregnancies) the parent of an only child. That was never part of my self-concept!

For awhile I didn't know if I would have children, but when I decided to have children it was like: "Well, of course I'll have two or three."

So I think there's a certain Square-Pegness about choosing to have an only child. And though I feel like the universe made my choice for me, technically I could get pregnant again. But I'm choosing not to because my life was put in danger with Benjamin's still birth - and they don't know that it won't happen again.

I am choosing not to risk my life because I have one child and I want to be there for her.

So there is a sense of being a Square-Peg for me and for many people when they have a stillbirth.

When people say: "How many children do you have?" or "Is she an only child?" I have to stop and think about my answer. Am I going to tell them "No, she's not my only child - but she's my only living child." or am I going to, in a sense, lie because it's easier to say "Yes, she's my only child."

Most people, unless they've either experienced a stillbirth or death of a child, don't have to stop and think about that.

What's Been the Hardest for You as a Square-Peg?

Two things come to mind:

One, growing up I really felt like I was always standing on slightly shifting ground - like the ground was always shifting underneath my feet.

A lot of that had to do with friendships, really formative relationships as a young girl and into my teens, where I would show up at school one day and my friends had decided not to speak to me that day. That could go on for days and I would always be like: "I love you! I don't understand why you are doing this to me."

And I would always take them back into my life when they decided to speak to me again.

What that really played into for me was this fear that who I am is not lovable, so it's interesting because that comes up again and again.

I've made changes recently where I've stopped drinking and eating many things for health reasons, and also for my own personal and spiritual growth.

I don't do gluten, I don't eat dairy, I don't eat sugar, I don't eat meat. These felt like the right decisions to make, but they've also distanced me from certain friends.

So there's a part of me that gets hooked into "who I am is not lovable" because the closer I get to being who I feel like I truly am inside - and the more the outside mirrors that - the more people I lose.

That's a perception, and it's not really true because I've also gained so many more people. But there's a sense over the last decade that with some of my closest friends we're not as close anymore because of some of those changes.

So I think one of the hardest things is hooking into that deeply held feeling of not being worthy, not being lovable for who I am. I don't know where it comes from and it doesn't matter because it's not true.

That's a big one - that's been a challenge for me. And I think the other one is about finding my own way and trusting myself.

There's a part of me that goes: "Ohmygod, I'm 3 days away from being 41 and what have I done? What have I accomplished in the traditional trajectory of: go to school, get a degree, get a job, work at your job, make money, buy a house - all of those things? I don't feel like I can tick off a lot of those."

So part of it for me is not being able to identify with the visible, outward signs of traditional success. What I do to counteract that is sit down and say to myself: "What do I have, what have I done, who am I in the world and how am I bringing good to the world?"

I'm hearing that you talk with yourself when things are bothering you - would you tell us what other kinds of things you do for yourself?

What things do I do? I have a lot of them. I think that my fundamental one is to really stay connected with my body and the information that I get in my body about whether something feels good or right - or it doesn't.

I have a couple of practices that just help me move back into a place of trust. And really, for me that's the crux of it: do I trust myself, do I trust the universe?

I do a lot of yoga, walking, dancing. That really helps me when I want to pull myself out of one of those emotional or thought spirals where I feel like I'm kind of spinning - which happens for good reasons and bad reasons.

It can be the comparison thing, it can be feeling like I'm less than or unlovable or any of those old childhood things that get triggered.

Or it happened to me the first time someone offered to pay me my full fee - I went into this incredible spiral like: "Ohmygosh, do I deserve this?" I am definitely able to talk to myself, to talk through some of those old voices. I recognize them because I've worked with them for so many years now!

The ocean! Getting outside and sitting on the beach is one of my big healers. We live 50 yards from the beach! I'm so lucky, this was a childhood dream of mine - and it took me 37 years to get here. It's amazing!

Sometimes I need to journal to get that out. I'll do that a lot. I did that a lot after Benjamin died, just to get the information out - and then just slowing my world down and giving myself the time and space to be silent and still so that I can then hear whatever is happening.

It's a bit magical and miraculous to me when I do create the time and space and I have a question or a concern - the answers that come are just amazing.

What's Your Favorite Square-Peg Trait?

I used to say it was my ability to laugh, but I think now I would say it's my ability to love.

I feel as though I'm willing to meet people with open arms and open heart. It doesn't matter what they look like, what they're dressed like, who they are or what their background is, I just want to - I really live to see the good in people.

To see that they are, they were, born beautiful - I don't know what happened in their lives, but that's worth knowing: that they are worthy of love.

What Are Your Favorite Books?

Part of what's happened to me with these practices of living in the moment is that my memory is not as good as it used to be, so you could ask me this tomorrow and my answer might be different.

Right now I don't do a lot of reading of fiction because I just don't feel that I have a lot of space in my life for that. What I do love is having a collection of books around me that I can just pick up and go to for answers or inspiration or just a breath.

I really like the Channel Series by Sanaya Roman. Opening to Channel: How to Connect with Your Guide; Living with Joy; Personal Power Through Awareness; and Soul Love - those are good resources for me.

The Artist's Way, The Right to Write, Rumi, Hafiz. I have my animal medicine cards.

I really love - well, I have to say one of my favorite books in the world is Half the Sky by Nicholas D. Kristof. Reading that book changed me, and I think it should be required reading! It's such an eye opener!

Basically, it goes through the plight of women around the world - mostly in non-Westernized countries. Wow, the horrors that women endure! What they do {in the book} is describe the situation so that it breaks your heart, and then they tell you about these women who are in the middle of the situation and changing it.

It's so well researched and so well written, so deeply loving and inspiring - it's become a real movement.

So that book, any book that really touches my heart, that makes me feel like we are connected - because we are!

I just have to say, because it was such a life changer for me back when I was a teenager, The Mists of Avalon was the first book I ever read that was told from a female point of view - where the protagonist, all the way through, was a woman!

 

Visit Alana at Alana Sheeren: Journey to a Luminous You

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Read more Square-Peg Interviews here!

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(Full Disclosure: we're affiliates of Amazon.com - so when you buy from the book links above you don't pay a penny more, but you help support Square-Peg People. Thanks!)

Eric Maisel, Get a Grip

 

 

Wait! That post title is probably confusing.

I've got no gripe with Eric Maisel - as a matter of fact I want to share an excerpt with you (entitled Get a Grip on Your Mind) from his new book Making Your Creative Mark (thanks to the generosity of his publisher, New World Library).

Whether you think you're a creative - or not (and everyone IS a creative, just sayin') you'll find much helpful (and practical) information in Eric Maisel's book for working with your mind, for getting things done, for encouraging yourself! 

 

Before sharing the excerpt I want to point out that Eric Maisel and I use very different words around dealing with our inner voices. Maisel uses militant language at times (i.e.: "actively combat", "You must battle", "fight the thought tooth and nail"), but we're both talking about noticing and listening to those inner thoughts and voices.

And about allowing your thoughts - all of them! In Maisel's tip #3, called Listen to what you say to yourself , he writes about (what else?) listening to yourself - how you can't work with your thoughts if you're not aware of them. So blinking true!

In I Hear Voices I wrote about The Guest House Approach to connecting with our inner voices, but I didn't write about dealing with them.

Making Your Creative Mark opened my eyes to the idea of setting boundaries for our thoughts/inner voices, particularly the ones (to use a Maisel phrase) "that don't serve you".

Like every book of Eric Maisel's that I've read, there are many practical ideas that you can put to work for yourself right away (I love, Love, LOVE practical ideas, being - you know - less than practical minded myself these are like magic to me).

I'll leave you now to read an excerpt from Eric Maisel's wonderful new book, Making Your Creative Mark - where you'll find some great tools for working with your mind!

Here 'tis - enjoy!

 

Get a Grip on Your Mind

An Excerpt from Making Your Creative Mark by Eric Maisel

 

Creating depends on having a mind quiet enough to allow ideas to bubble up. Living a successful, healthy life as an artist requires that your self-talk align with your goals and your aspirations. Your job is to quiet your mind and extinguish negative self-talk. These are your two most important tasks if you want a shot at your best life in the arts. Here are some handy tips:

 1. Recognize that you are the only one who can get a grip on your mind. There is no pill to take. There is no one to consult. There is nothing to read. You must mind your mind. You can let your thoughts do whatever they want and go off in any direction, or you can say, “No, that thought doesn’t serve me.” Only you can do that work.

 2. Recognize that you do not have to accept, tolerate, or countenance a thought just because you thought it. You may have the thought, “Wow, John really made me angry at work today!” Then it is your choice whether to brood about John or whether to get on with your novel. It may be easier to brood about John than to write your novel, so you may have powerful reasons to stay angry. It’s your choice.

When we say something to ourselves like “My novel stinks” or “I won’t play well tonight,” we believe that thought just because we thought it. But many of our thoughts are simply not true, and even if they are true, they may not serve us. 

 3. Listen to what you say to yourself. If you can’t hear your own thoughts, you can’t get rid of the ones that aren’t serving you. If you can’t admit to yourself that you are constantly thinking that life is a cheat, that you’ve badly disappointed yourself by wasting so much time, or that you hate to be criticized, you won’t be able to dispute and extinguish those thoughts. Yes, it can be extremely painful to admit to them, but it is better to grapple with them than to let them cycle endlessly.

 4. Decide if what you are telling yourself serves you. You are not looking at the truth or falsity of a thought but rather at whether the thought is or isn’t serving you. Countless true thoughts do not serve us. All the following may be true thoughts that nevertheless do not serve you to think: “I might have written ten books by now”; “Writing a novel is hard”; “Selling a novel is hard”; “I’m not sure I have it in me either to write a novel or to sell a novel.” None of those thoughts, even if true, serve you. The only thought that serves you, if you want to write a novel, is “I am off to my novel!”

 5. When you decide that a thought doesn’t serve you, dispute it and dismiss it. It can seem very strange at first to dispute your own thoughts. Yet dispute them you must. Get in the habit of saying to yourself, “That was an interesting thought. Does it serve me?” If you know or suspect that it doesn’t, dismiss it out of hand. Do not linger over it! This sounds like “That thought doesn’t serve me and I am dismissing it!” Mean it when you say it!

 6. When a thought that doesn’t serve you lingers, actively combat it. Some thoughts just won’t go away. Maybe it’s “No one wanted my first novel, and my second novel is an even more difficult sell, so why in heaven’s name am I writing it?” You may not be able to get rid of this thought simply by snapping your fingers. Then do more than snap your fingers — fight the thought tooth and nail. Maybe you’ll have to write out the ten reasons why this book may be wanted. Maybe you’ll have to chat seriously with yourself about self-publishing. You must battle brooding, clinging, disabling thoughts — or else you will be thinking them regularly. 

 7. After you’ve disputed and dismissed a thought, think a thought that does serve you. Creating thought substitutes is an important part of the process. These substitutes can be tailored to the situation, or they can be simple global affirmations that you create once and use over and over again, such as “I’m perfectly fine,” “Back to work,” “Right here, right now,” or “Process.” Because for so many of us the default way of thinking is negative, self-critical, and injurious, we want to create and use thought substitutes that help prevent our brain from conjuring up its usual distortions and distractions.

 8. Get in the smart habit of extinguishing unproductive self-talk even before it arises. Often we know when a thought is coming. Maybe you’ve been waiting to hear from an editor who said she would call on Tuesday, and now it’s Friday. You know that if she doesn’t call today, you are certain to begin thinking thoughts like “She’s never going to call,” “She’s about to reject my work,” and “I can’t stand all this waiting.” You know these thoughts are coming. So extinguish them now and replace them with “I’m spending the weekend working on my new pet project! And I won’t think about that editor until Monday!” How many times have you known that a thought that doesn’t serve you is coming and let yourself think it anyway? It’s time to stop doing that.

 9. Engage in active cognitive support. This means creating the thoughts that you want to be thinking and then thinking them. These thoughts might include all of the following: “I paint every single morning”; “I’m going to succeed”; “I know how to make meaning”; “I’m lavishing my love and attention on my current painting”; “I’m not afraid of process”; “I show up”; “I take the risks that I need to take, with my work and in the marketplace”; “I am creating a body of work”; “I am a painter.” You can think thoughts like these if you choose to think them.

 

You may never have thought about the possibility of getting a grip on your mind. I hope that you’ll seriously consider it now.

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Eric Maisel is the author of Making Your Creative Mark and twenty other creativity titles including Mastering Creative Anxiety, Brainstorm, Creativity for Life, and Coaching the Artist Within. America’s foremost creativity coach, he is widely known as a creativity expert who coaches individuals and trains creativity coaches through workshops and keynotes nationally and internationally. He has blogs on the Huffington Post and Psychology Today and writes a column for Professional Artist Magazine. Visit him online at  http://www.ericmaisel.com. 

 

Excerpted from the new book Making Your Creative Mark ©2013 by Eric Maisel.  Published with permission of New World Library.

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Read more Square-Peg People Book Reviews!

A Day of Nothing

 

 

A Day of Nothing sounds easy, right?

Well, it sounded easy to me. As easy as that Teaching Math to Elementary School Students class sounded when, as an undergrad, I learned that it would satisfy some of my required Math credits (hmmm, maybe that should've put up some red flags).

Kylie Bellard leads A Day of Nothing* monthly (if you haven't met Kylie, please come on over to her Square-Peg People Interview and say "Hi!"). I attended the April 2013 gathering.

I'm not a Type-A personality - hardly! I'm laid back, sometimes to the extreme (the word lazy was thrown at me a LOT when I was a kid). I kinda rock sitting - and doing nothing. Or so I thought.

It's amazing how much we do when we don't think we're doing much - and how much we need rest. REAL rest, mind as well as body. I say this as though it applies to you as much as it does to me because I bet it does!

It's hard to do nothing! Not that Kylie's Day of Nothing involved forcing ourselves to do nothing - it didn't! She encouraged non-doing in the gentlest way, and in whatever form we chose (less of this, more of that - whatevva).

I was surprised by the amount of planning doing nothing took - the amount of things to think about. If Kylie hadn't worked this stuff into the process I would not have thought about most of it until it was nearly up my nose (so to speak).

What about my daily self-care stuff - yoga and facial acupressure and my gratitude journal and and and??? What about the little things I do for my home-folk in a normal day? Do I do them? Do I drop them for a day? Set them up the night before? What about meals?

What about the weeds (and me with a new weed wacker)? The weeds were like a jungle outside my house. But weren't they close to the same the day before (ok, maybe a few inches shorter - but still)? And wouldn't they be pretty much the same the next day (adding in that 4 or 5 inches they'd grow through the night what with the rain we were supposed to get)?

I decided YES to my daily self-care stuff, YES to a few little things I do for my home-folk, and NO to internet, writing related to work, laundry and those weeds.

{Aside: Ok, that NO to the weeds might have been a mistake - my Nothing Day was probably the best day to whack. It's rained since then - and more is promised. So I'll probably need a 10 person crew with scythes (and maybe a helicopter) by the time I get to head out there. But I didn't know about all that - and I'm glad I didn't. Aside ended}

It's so easy to do one more thing. And one more. And even easier to think about one more thing, then another and another. Turns out that planning and expediting non-doing is a great way to become very conscious of what you do, your default settings. A way to seriously notice priorities, and (of course) mostly to relax.

Most interesting thing that happened during my Day of Doing Nothing: I went to take a nap (I've been taking naps lately as a self-care kind of thing) and realized I didn't want a nap - and further realized that the naps had been a kind of default-mode way to deal with being overwhelmed. Good to know!

I highly recommend a day of nothing - a whole day of nothing - a planned day of nothing (which I found is sooo different from just taking a day off - which is why I also recommend Kylie's A Day of Nothing*)

Doing nothing - it's not just for overachievers! Who knew?

*I'm not an affiliate, just sharing some love

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Psst, check out our two new packages (e-guide + MP3's) at the links below & you can hear a couple sample stories (MP3)!

Square-Peg Celebrtion: Stories of Acceptance & Grace

&

Community Is An Inside Job: Support & Connection From the Inside Out

I'm SO Exciting!

 

I mentioned in the last post that Little Princess, my granddaughter, used to utter the phrase "I'm so exciting!" when she was super excited.

She doesn't say it anymore, but it's almost the first thing I think of (or else The Pointer Sisters' song) whenever I'm so exciting excited.

Today I'm thinking of the phrase AND hearing The Pointer Sisters - because I am uber excited!

The two themed packages that Slightly-Brit and I compiled are READY!

We searched through over 500 blog posts to pull together 2 collections that really speak to Square-Pegs, that talk about the things we face daily in the round-hole world. Words (and audio - we've got recordings!!) that encourage and inspire, not ass-kick or point out what's wrong with you.

You can read about both of them (and our other e-guides) on the Square-Peg Shop , or

You can read about Square-Peg Celebration: Stories of Acceptance & Grace here.

And you can read about Community Is An Inside Job: Support & Connection From The Inside Out here.

Each of the pages linked above has a sample (MP3) featuring one of the essays from that package. Come on over and have a listen!