PaperHelen

In our garden Part 2

Around the house

Treasured Possessions

Okay, one of my most treasured possessions.  My CDs.  And I do not have nearly as many as I'd like (my wishlist is well over 200 and still growing).  But, oh, how I love them.  I even just like looking at them on their shelves.

I can not imagine trying to live without music.

In our garden

Photos

Square-Peg Mama has been on a mission lately.  For months now she has been writing a post a day as part of the Portfolio Project. 

I decided I needed to have a little mission of my own.  Not writing, but taking a photo a day.

They haven't all been good (sometimes I forget till I'm about in bed and end up just taking a picture of the first thing I can find.  Occasionally it's been my slippered feet).  But it's good practice, anyway.

Two months now and I've only missed two days.  Not bad.

These are a few that came out well.

Bring it on

Fall is here.  After days and days of rain and grey skies - the sun is finally out and the air is crisp and clear and beautiful.
No matter what else is going on in life, I absolutely love autumn.  My very favorite time of year, always.

Maybe

I started writing this post last week.  I was so excited because after over a month with no running water in the kitchen, we finally got the faucets installed and We Have Water!  And as if that was not wonderful enough, my beautifully inspiring 'sister' Terri had sent me an award just a few days later.

So much to be grateful for that I ran to the computer and started to type. 
But then I stopped.  Turned off the computer and have been avoiding it ever since.

I keep doing that to myself lately.  Get very very excited about something, and start it - loving it - and then I scare myself silly and run away.  I'm not exactly sure what the hell is going on here.

Why do I try to stop myself?  My family and I have been through a lot this past year, and right now it feels like we are really ready to move on to something better.  Something bigger.  Things are shifting all around us - in our lives, in our house, our jobs.  And I feel like if we want it, if we want to go for it, something big is just around the corner.

I should be really happy about this, and I am, but every time I start to get into that excitement - start working on these new projects - I find a way to scare myself silly.  I start to whine, and doubt myself, and wonder why the hell I started this in the first place.

So I never wrote about the award.  Or finally having running water.  Or any of the new things I have been working on.  But I am trying.

Maybe if I'm too scared to write about the good stuff, at least I can write about why I'm too scared to write about the good stuff.  It's a start.  And maybe I'll be able to figure some of it out.  Or maybe not, but at least I'll be writing something.

Things I learned this year

1. There are a lot of things that are out of my control.

2.  I am more adaptable than I thought.

3.  I don't need to be in control.

4.  It didn't kill me.

5.  I really do only have just this very moment.

6.  Having people who care makes it possible to keep going.

Slow times

Trying to go easy on myself here.  I will get motivated soon, and I will get things rolling.  But right now times are hard and I have to let myself rest sometimes.  I do what I can do and relax about the rest.  It will come.

Thinking too much

Now I have scared myself simple with this whole blogging thing.  There are just too many questions.

What if nobody reads this?
What if keeping up with this is too much work?
What if I become wildly popular, and millions of people read my blog, and suddenly I have to appear on Good Morning, America, and I know I would be terrified and besides I don't photograph well?
What if I'm just wasting my time?  What if nobody ever reads anything I write and the only person who cares about what I do is my mother? (hi, Mom .)
What if I say something (or lots of somethings) stupid and make a complete ass of myself?
What if nobody cares?
What if I bore people?
What if I bore myself?
What if even my mother doesn't want to read my blog?

ooooooooooh.  Too much.