It's not easy being Square. Hell, it's not easy being unique in any way! Why? Because being unique (your authentic self) brushes up against the status quo - what a force!
This was brought home to me the other day when Slightly-British Daughter and I were wandering around a favorite local shop.
It's a small shop and conversations are like background music there. During this visit two folks, who apparently knew each other, were chatting about Halloween decorations in the neighborhood.
After a few minutes on the Halloween theme one of the women turned the subject to another neighbor's meadow. Her voice got snarly:
"...he thinks it's beautiful, but the rest of the neighborhood thinks it's bringing down property values. He's into 'the environment' " (out the corner of my eye I saw that she did the finger-quotes thing, as if "the environment" were something outside reality).
She continued - getting more bitter and scathing with each sentence. Even noting that the fellow's profession (teacher) seemed the obvious reason for his being so deluded.
I wish I could convey the venomous tones the woman was using - about someone's meadow, for crying out loud, not someone's meth lab next door to a day-care center! WTF? (ok, maybe I don't wish I could convey them - yuk - though they'd make a nice spooky Halloween track)
When we were in the shop I was in a giggly mood - and was amused at the woman's dumbassery. Then I noticed how the ugly chatter affected Slightly-British Daughter.
Slightly-Brit looked ill - practically puce-colored - and later described her reaction as "livid". She added that it's scary to realize how many unmindful people there are around us.
When I'm not in the aforementioned giggly mood I also find it hard (and scary) to realize that so many people don't understand (or give a rat's rump about) environmental issues - or other things that matter a lot to me.
And harder still to see people not appreciating difference in each other - sigh. How can growing a meadow - instead of the usual suburban lawn - evoke such anger and disgust?
As we left the shop I had a eureka experience - two things from younger days leaped into my mind:
1) When I was a little girl, in Missouri-Synod Lutheran elementary school, I was taught that we were required by God to attend church (hang in here with me, this isn't a religious lesson - I'm not even Lutheran anymore, or a little girl - I'm just saying the teachers might have been on to something about connection).
2) In an undergrad Sociology class I learned that cities have ethnic enclaves because people often want to stay close to others with the same background, same values.
Eureka - The Tribe factor!
These two seemingly disconnected memories from my younger years wove together with the meadow hater conversation I overheard -
and reminded me afresh how important (I'll even say VITAL) it is to maintain connection with Tribe - with people who love what you love, who share similar values and passions - who care about what you care about.
If the meadow-loving teacher
- never met with fellow meadow-lovers,
- never read the words of people who praised meadows and encouraged the people who grew them -
- never got support -
How long would it be before he lost part of his personality, got merged into the common culture - mowed his meadow?
(psst - that's a rhetorical question, no math required).
I want to repeat what I said a couple paragraphs ago:
It is VITAL to maintain connection with your Tribe! To connect with people who love what you love, share the values and passions you have.
Sure, it's also important to be open - to make friends with people who have lifestyles and beliefs totally different from yours. That's vital, too.
But Square-Pegs are curious and interested by nature - practically born to be open to possibilities, others' stories. I don't think Square-Pegs need to be reminded to stay open.
I do think we sometimes need to be reminded of the Tribe factor though!
I remember, when my girls were young, losing that part of myself that loves intellectual discussion.
When I started going to classes again - and engaging in deep dialogues - it was like something clicked back into place. I felt strengthened, whole-er (yes, I do believe I made that word up, feel free to borrow it - grin).
We strengthen ourSELVES when we connect with Tribe - with people who share our loves, our passions, our values - the things that make our hearts beat faster (p.s. You can have more than one Tribe).
~ ~ ~
Are you in danger of mowing down your meadow? What parts of yourSELF could use reconnection to Tribe?
In the next post I'll be sharing a number of ways to connect with Tribe, and I'd love your input on how YOU connect.
{editor's note - here's the link to the follow-up post, Connecting With Tribe.}
