This first stanza/phrase of an e e cummings poem has been running around in my head for days:
i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
Odd..since I'm not outwardly/consciously in a grateful mood. I'm seeing myself more like Bob, in the movie "What About Bob?", when he was whining at Dr. Leo Marvin: "I need!, I need!"
But there it is - I'm also hearing, over and over again, "i thank you..." and "everything...which is yes"
Go figure - I'm grateful and whiney. My biggest current whine is I'm pulling for a relationship that isn't. That gets me starting down the "ohmygod, I'm pathetic..." road
and then I mentally bitch-smack myself because, really, it's all YES - there's SO much to be grateful for - to love - to enjoy - to play and laugh and dance with.
Truth be told, I'm not even bitch-smacking myself. What's happening is I just keep falling on my hiney into that River of Grace thing - the truth keeps floating over me. Which is great - but again, odd. Where's the pathos? Where's that ole' comfortable downward spiral? It's like there's something new happening - this new song - The Gratitude Whine. Gratitude & Whine - both at the same time...
Last night I had the privilege of interviewing Wendy Lee Lynds (her interview will be in the April issue of The Encourager - you won't want to miss it - Wendy is awesome!) - this relates (grin) I'm not just rambling.
We're both a teeny bit into our 50's and we're the kind of women who never really "got" the girlie-girl thing until NOW! And now we're enjoying being girlie and thinking we're so darn cute.
Between the talk with Wendy and something I remembered this morning from Geneen Roth's book When You Eat at the Refrigerator, Pull Up a Chair: 50 Ways to Feel Thin, Gorgeous, and Happy (When You Feel Anything But) I basically leaped into the only cashmere thing I ever owned (a black sweater - and I DO look good in black) and added a hand-painted silk scarf. So now, while I sing the Gratitude Whine (this bizarre mix of "oh shit" and "hallelujah") I feel cute!
Life is interesting...
