Square-Peg Reflections

Eyebrows + Mirror + Thinking = Asylum

I have 603 errands to do today. Minus one or two. And I just know I'm going to be fighting with the mirror.

Since my last haircut (and I love my last haircut!) I've developed a fierce cowlick. When it's particularly nasty I look like an old  female blend of Alfalfa and Dennis the Menace. It makes itself known even when it's behaving - giving me a hint of Woodstock (Snoopy's bird friend). And yes, I did say I love the haircut - go figure!

The cowlick is the least of my mirror problems though. I have an eyebrow issue. Some days my makeup application could get me admitted to an asylum. It's all about the eyebrows - and thinking.

Putting on makeup, as I'm about to head out to do errands, I think:

I'm too needy. I'm going to drive my friends away. I need to stop having negative feelings (yeah, that's an idea - lobotomy anyone?). I've been too needy in the carbohydrate department. I know i've alienated my friends. They will abandon me. I might as well beat them to it. My jeans are too tight.

I finally finish fussing with my hair (which is more admitting defeat than finishing) and begin fussing with makeup. The dreaded eyebrows!

They've given me so much trouble through the years. One New Year's Eve I got so angry that I got even with them. I grabbed two eyeshadow pencils (one blue, one green) and drew enormous zig zag lines for eyebrows - a blue and a green one above each eye - HUGE! And if you can believe this - no one said a word! I'm serious!!

Sometimes things go relatively smoothly. I draw, I stand back, look and think: OK, no asylum today. Usually the deal is that individually they are fine. But you have to take eyebrows together. Even if they are both OK - if they are of two different opinions then they are not OK.

Often one will wind up arched and the other straight - plus one will be 1/4 inch (or more) higher than the other. Slightly-British Daughter has snidely asked several times if I might need a level.

For a while I was thinking that I look perplexed a lot. I wondered what that was about, but no matter how much I thought about it I got no answers. Pissed is my default look/feeling, not perplexed. - so ??

It came down to eyebrows again. If I ran by a mirror and looked, say - to the right - I looked perplexed. But then coming by again (looking to the left) I was fine. Thing was I didn't realize I was looking right, then left. I just knew I was looking in the mirror and half the time thinking I looked perplexed.

I finally realized it was a raised eyebrow issue. Which gets me thinking: between having to deal with the cowlick and the eyebrows - maybe a lobotomy is a good idea!

(Photo copyright Lauren Caterson 2008, Gammie and Little Princess plus cowlick and perplexed look - which might be real, not related to eyebrow drawing)

Luny in the Pumpkin Patch

While Little Princess was here we took a trip to the pumpkin patch. Same one we took her to last year. It's a fund raising thing, so not huge or extravagant like others around. But if you'd seen the Princess' excitement, you'd have thought we were heading to a ten-day Disneyland holiday.

When we got there she raced to the pumpkins, which were grouped according to size. She picked up a tiny one, then one in the next size - handed them to me with the air of a born shopper to her lackey: "Here, I want these..." - and sped to the next aisle.

Auntie (Slightly-British Daughter, for those in the know) tried to slow down the pumpkin acquisitions as we're in what we're calling Austerity Mode, but I had the purse - and I loved watching the energy and joy - so Little Princess hunted on.

After the pumpkin picking was complete we headed to the tables to pay for our stash. There were a number of folks hanging around. One lady cooed at us in a sing-song voice: "Did she do a good job? Did she pick the best pumpkin? Hmmmmm?"

I assured her that Little Princess worked hard and did wonderfully. The woman then turned to Little Princess and said (in a totally different voice - one that sounded shocked and appalled): "Oh, then you took the best pumpkin for yourself. Well, isn't that nice, to take the best for yourself and not leave it for me..."

?? I remember hearing ridiculous comments like that when I was a kid. WHAT are people thinking when they make those two sided (damned if you do, damned if you don't) comments? I checked the woman out - looking for a family resemblance. I figured she must be from one of the branches of my family (nut) tree. But I didn't recognize her. Good Lord, it's not just the filberts on my side of the fence...

A Case of Mistaken Identity

Little Princess called excitedly for her uncle to see what she was whipping up. She and I had been at work putting a batter together - she'd done her parts extremely well.

She broke eggs into the mixture. She added ingredients as I handed them to her. She stirred and stirred and stirred. She greased the pans.

As an aside: I've never seen loaves created from this recipe slip out of the pans so easily - even though I didn't remember to pop them out of the pans till they'd been cooling for 12 hours! Actually, I don't think I've ever seen the butter used to grease loaf pans bubble on the sides while they bake - but I'm not complaining, it worked. I was complaining a little (and only in my own mind) as I cleaned Little Princess and the surroundings up - butter alllllllllll over.

So, as I was saying - she called to her uncle: "Come here! It looks like throw-up but it's really banana bread!"

Let's have tea

OK, I've been hiding out (again!). Feeling rotten - whiney - and crabby (again!). Despite a nice mini-retreat with my nearest and dearest (daughter and son).

Last night I pushed myself to finish a fun piece about naming my car (Imogen, if you're interested). And posted it on A Square Peg View (my new Artella-connected blog over in Artella Land/World -  Artella just keeps growing - maybe it's Artella Universe by now..i forget) where I'm reconnecting with the Artella experience - and meeting lots of new folks. Please hop over and read the post.

I came up to the office today and found a Comfort Queen.com e-mail - about "Finding Comfort and Calm When You're Fearful, Perplexed, Lost, Angry, Hurting or ________" - Jennifer Louden is having a tele-comfort experience this Wednesday at 3PM Eastern (it's recorded, so you don't even have to be available at that time).

I decided that I would gift myself with that experience. It sounds like just what I need. So, I'll be there at 3PM Eastern (on the phone) and would love to hear YOUR voice added to the mix - it's interactive - will include a question and answer time. We can pretend we're having tea together - actually, I wont' be pretending, I'm bringing my tea up here to heighten the experience!! Please consider this tele-experience - You can read more about it below..and if you follow the affiliate link here to pay for your spot - you'll be helping to support Square-Peg-People:

"Has the bad news and worry of the last few weeks made you feel rotten? Do you find yourself reaching for the ice cream container or the remote control even though what you're really hungry for heart connected spirit-nourishing jaw-softening true comfort? Do you feel like your reptile brain is running the show?

Then join best-selling author, coach and Comfort Queen Jennifer Louden for a comfort tele-experience October 15th at 12:00 p.m. Pacific/ 3:00 p.m. Eastern (of course it's recorded and includes other goodies like $5 off anything in her store). Jen says, 'you need your most creative and resourceful self during fearful and challenging times but if you don't know how to allow yourself comfort, you can keep descending in ever tighter circles of dry harshness and shadow comforts, until you spontaneously combust, run away from home, or move into a postal box (that's what my daughter said she was going to do the other day when she was really mad at me; I offered to bring her snacks). I've designed this class to melt the barriers that stand between you and deep true comfort even in the most stressful times. Get off the fear and exhaustion gerbil wheel and get some rest, peace, and creative perspective. We need you!' "

Find out more (and sign up) at http://www.comfortqueen.com/cqshop/affiliate.php?id=86

Even if you know you aren't interested, I suggest you come read Jennifer's words anyway - LOOK at one of the incredible things I found on the sign up page:

"The poet Louise Bogan wrote, 'I cannot believe that the inscrutable universe turns on an axis of suffering; surely the strange beauty of the world must somewhere rest on pure joy!' ”

Sing it, Sister!! I am now going to hunt up some Louise Bogan poetry, which I never would have heard about were it not for Jennifer Louden! Thank you Jennifer Louden, thank you Louise Bogan, thank you Universe (Beloved, God, Source...) for the deep emeralds of hope I keep tripping on (even when I'm rotten - whiney - and crabby!!!

Conversations At My House

For any Myers-Briggs fans out there it may be worth noting that I am an INFP (touchy feely, go-with-the-flow, over-emoter) while my daughter and son are INTJ's (rational, organized, logical). You'd expect logjams constantly, but we do pretty well.

There are, however, times when we're on different wave-lengths and the conversations get weird.

The other night my son and I were reading together from Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames, by Thich Nhat Hanh. We read (rather a number of times - apparently the venerable author felt this was of extreme importance) that anger is "your baby". We also read about taking care of your inner child - comforting, soothing, loving it.

I want to say: "I dissolved in tears" but I'm still here, so you already know I didn't dissolve (funny - or not - how those overworn phrases jump out when I'm trying to write). OK, this I can say: I cried hard. HARD! I sat there, next to my manchild, sobbing.

There were plenty of reasons for my tears. Foremost was that I'd just hung up from speaking with someone who's neck-deep in poo - and bent on rubbing up against people to rub the poo off. Manchild knew what I was crying about. And, just in case he was confused, I did attempt to explain as I was blubbering: "Me..sob sob..I ...sob sob..I wanna..sob sob..I wanna be able to love sniff sniff like that...".

Still, Manchild doesn't "get" emotions. He is patient. And he's kind. But his face still betrays the "wow, this is weird" thoughts. He even (correctly, and unbelievably accurately) described what I was going through - the pain involved in opening to hope for a "lost" loved one.

But we weren't reading that book with the same emotional input. When I stopped sobbing and we got back to reading again - we heard more about comforting our inner child and Manchild sighed: "Ah, why can't we just put it out of its' misery?"

Manchild photo copyright 2008 Lauren Caterson (Manchild is cute, house needs work)