Tatoos, Baby

My baby (ManChild) is getting another tattoo right now. I said another  tattoo - apparently one wasn't enough. The first takes up a nice piece of his bicep. This one will go from a little above his elbow to near his wrist.

And I am not liking it. His father has tattoos. I have friends with tattoos. Hell, I have friends who are grandmothers who have tattoos. It's not like I have an issue with tattoos. I'm not afraid of them, don't have a judgement about them. It's not like my son has become a Hell's Angel just because he's got a tattoo (or two)...And no offense to the many Hell's Angels readers of the blog...

But I freaked out (not in front of him) about this one. The first was hard enough. This one - wow! the freak-out felt core. I couldn't figure out what  was bothering me. Because, like I said - I don't really have an issue about tattoos - except with my baby.

That was the deal though. The baby part. A wise friend said to me (after I'd freaked out and questioned why I was so upset): "It's an expression of who he is. and it's apart from YOU." Uh, yea, that's it.

An expression of who he is that isn't like who I am. Different. Distance. Boundaries. Not a baby at all, regardless of his place in the birth order.

Yep, that's it. Parenting is rough - even though this guy's been very easy to raise (he's good and kind and has a wonderful heart - which that wise friend also pointed out) he' s put me through two really tough times. One is this - dealing with him getting tattoos - after all the talking. And believe me we talked - and talked. I could not (still don't) understand how someone who demands to be woken in the middle to escort a bug outside rather than hear that I've swatted it - can pay to have needles poked repeatedly in his own (more precious than a bug's, in my opinion) skin.

But I will respect his decision.  I did coax him, repeatedly, to think this thing through. He's thought through it - I can say that. First, it's taken a long time to earn the money for it and he's willingly done the cross-examination thing with me more times than I can count.

The other hard time - baseball. He quit baseball. I believe I suffered a mini-breakdown when he quit baseball. This was the kid who played ball from age two. Who made it look effortless. Who did not strike out - no matter what the count.

He lost the passion - said he didn't want to play anymore - and had obviously switched the energy over to drum playing. Even the neighbor noted that he was a natural at drums. But what about baseball?  What do you say to a kid who really has talent - but who says: "I'm done with that."?

I don't think there is a "right" thing to say. I think you have to fly by the seat of your pants. Which is why I say parenting is rough.

With baseball I asked a bunch of people whose kids went through the same thing. I got great advice. People told me that someone can always come back to a passion, but forcing it on them will guarantee that you take their love for it away.

With the tattoo it wasn't the same question. My "baby" is 18. I could order him not to get the tattoo because he lives under my roof, but he and I don't play that game. So my question to friends this time was - how do I take care of me through this? I hate it.

And you know what, as I'm typing this I just realized that - once I got past the "Do I let him or do I put my foot down?" thing - it's the same as baseball - tied up in the "...expression of who he is. and it's apart from YOU" deal. Yep. Hard, but do-able. Sometimes I even laugh at the baseball thing now. Laughter about - Wow! Isn't it funny how invested I was in that?

I'm just so glad for friends, for people who talk me through! 

I'm also glad (and a bit surprised) that I'm still doing my Portfolio Project writing - one post per day - woo hoo!

And I'm glad for books (oh, let's go gratitude here - you know?). So - combining tattoos and books here, I'll tell you about a tattoo book I read (with ManChild)  at our favorite Doylestown book store. It was called No Regrets: The Best, Worst, & Most #$%*ing Ridiculous Tattoos Ever. And there were some decidedly ridiculous tattoos in the book. We perused it during one of our discussion pre-tattoo number one.

If you're a firm believer in hellfire I suggest you avoid this nasty book, I'm reasonably sure that just the first few pages of this vulgar tome will get you consigned to at least level two in hell (...kidding about which level, I flunked Hell Studies).

If you aren't squeamish or offended by really disgusting images - and you are interested in tattoos, you might enjoy this. It gave us a couple chuckles (and some gagging - and blushing - on my part).

And, might I mention again (can you hear me patting myself on the back?) - I'm still writing a post a day. Good ones, bad ones, doesn't matter - my Portfolio Project plan was not to write perfect posts, or even posts that make sense or necessarily hang together - the object was WRITING! Doing it!!