I can't define grace. I've often said that grace is, for me, like the porn thing. Remember when Justice Potter Stewart, of the U.S. Supreme Court (when he couldn't come up with an exact definition of porn) said: "I know it when I see it."?
Even though I can't define grace, I was quite taken by the grace in the grace-robed story. Because I know grace when I see it (or read it).
As we drove along I decided to tell the story to Slightly-Brit (who, btw, is an adult - which will matter as you read on). While blinking back tears (I was so choked up), I began to share...
But mid-tell someone who'd been riding my tail for miles finally distracted me past patience.
And there, with the grace story still sticking to my tongue, and tears still welling up in my eyes (because I was so choked up), and The Peace Center license plate still displayed on the front of my car (because I'm proud that my son volunteered there for years - and I believe in peace - and everything to do with nonviolent communication)...
I shouted: "Get off my ass you fucking dick-head!"
And even though I can't define grace it was pretty easy to figure out that that was not grace. At all.
One good thing I can say about my shouting is (besides being glad the windows were closed): it was so loud that it woke me up to the hypocrite thing pretty quickly.
What came next was a kind of grace.
The ludicrousness of my telling a grace story while shouting profanity must've rolled over Slightly-Brit and I at the same time.
We shared a wry smile (one of those ain't-life-wierd smiles. Or maybe, in SBD's case, it was an ain't-my-mother-wierd smile).
Quickly adding more ludicrousness, I looked over my shoulder at the guy who'd been riding my tail and repeated a phrase from my childhood church experience: "The Lord be with you."
Slightly-Brit just as quickly added a phrase from her childhood church experience: "And also with you."
Then we laughed so hard I almost had to pull over.
Grace isn't just for other people. Sometimes grace is for ourselves.
Realizing that we're all Bozos on this bus - and that that's life (particularly right when I've auditioned for head clown) - and laughing about it (rather than hating on myself or getting worse) is sometimes as close to grace as I can get.
Having someone with me who saw what was going on - and also didn't hate on me, but instead laughed with me, well - even without being able to define it I think that's grace. Brava Bozo-grace!
Got a grace note moment you'd like to share?
