Square-Peg Reflections

I GET to Pay Bills

I was sick last week (as I mentioned in yesterday's post) - but today I'm almost completely the charming, cheerful me you've come to know and love.

(talk about something to be grateful for!)

For a few days prior to realizing I was sick there was a sharp drop in my cheerfulness. I was Eeyore-ish - but worse - Eeyore's cranky cousin with none of the Donkey family charm.

When I noticed the increase in bitching and complaining I decided to pull the "I get to..." thing out of my bag of tricks. It's a helpful device that shifts the focus from feeling put-upon to realizing that we have choices.

What you do is - take any whiney/complaining statement that you make and turn it around. Restate it as an "I get to..." statement.

I wrote my mayo-sis and told her that for the whole day I planned to change my whines to "I get to..." statements every time I caught myself complaining.

Here's how that went (copied and pasted from notes to my mayo-sister and my journal):

I worked hard to get the newsletter out because it told about the final Body Part Wednesday post and give-away, and I got the d@$# thing done (which was a little tricky coz i'm not used to the new newsletter - this might have been the first one i sent out using the new program) - and the stupid thing didn't GO out when it was supposed to. When I checked on it, expecting that folks had it already, it said it's 'scheduled for a later distribution date' - for no good reason!

(I'm being kind here - copying only a bit of the note to give you the gist - the actual note - as my sister could tell you - went on way longer!)

I caught myself though - I turned it around right in the note - I changed it to:

i GOT to send out a newsletter..tho i've gotten to NOT send them out for such a long darn time..because i GET to be a terrible business woman so..i GET to be pissed that my hard work was for naught

and now i GET to have a headache on top of it...

I GET to be disappointed...

Here are more notes from later in the day:

We went out to the organic market and a thrift store, but I'm feeling sick...

I quickly changed that to:

i GET to feel sick..lol..nasty post nasal drip..sore throat, boo hoo

Then there was:

I GET to pay the effing bills today, when I GET to not be in the mood. 

(Look at that - I started out with the "I get to..." - didn't even need to switch it around)

Yep - I know - I see it too! I took a good idea and messed it up. It's so easy to twist things - even a great plan like an "I get to..." day.

But here's the funny thing - even though I went on and on (and on and on...) like that all day - changing whiney statements to whiney statements that began: "I get to..." - but were still whiney (or maybe a bit angry and whiney), I actually got something good out the deal.

Some of the times I'd start to laugh because I could hear how ridiculous I sounded. And sometimes I just noticed that I was not in a good mood. Noticing is better than not noticing.

And the "I get to..." thing - I've been using it more and it's starting to "take". This morning I was heading to the checkbook to pay bills. That's not usually a gleeful time for me, but I had some positive thoughts: 

• Getting the bills done now means they're off my mind for awhile.
• It's nice that I'm not doing the "rob Peter to pay Paul" thing (there was a time...).
• I'm grateful for so many of the products and services I'm paying for. 

Now look at that! Even Eeyore's crabby cousin can learn new tricks - and put them to good use!!

The World Through a Child's Eyes

There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child.
There are seven million. ~ Walt Streightiff

My friend John (Johnutty to those in the know) recently sent me an e-mail with the above quote in it. When I read the quote it was like an alarm went off - rrrrrrring!! My granddaughter was staying over at the time and we'd experienced a hail storm together.

I say "experienced" because that's what happened. We didn't just hear the hail storm, or merely see it - we experienced it! I'm pretty sure that if she hadn't been visiting we'd probably have noticed it - maybe even commented on it - the hailstones were enormous. And hail storms aren't all that normal around here anyway - I think this is only the 5th time in my 30-some 40 buncha years that I've seen one.

So it's almost a given that we'd have talked about it at some point. But, because Little Princess was here, it was an event! Manchild dashed outside to grab a handful of hailstones half as big as golf balls for Little Princess to hold. We watched him get sopping wet and absolutely pelted by the stones. He was laughing - we were laughing. Slightly-Brit, Little Princess and I were glued to the kitchen windows ooohing and ahhing. And it seemed that we heard every plunk as the hail landed.

It was even an adventure preparing for the possibility of the electric going out - which it didn't! Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude.

The minute I read John's e-mail I knew that I wanted to put more eyes-of-a-child days on my calendar. Even when LP isn't visiting! I told him of my commitment and just like that - I went over to Facebook and Jena was throwing split-pea soup (an application type thingy you can activate on Facebook).

Split-pea soup and I have a history - so I was laughing immediately - and had to tell Jena my split-pea/booger story (I'll spare you for now). Is that easy or what? But somehow the "adult" switch gets turned on and I forget to look out of those child-eyes.

I'm hoping that, if I have to get stuck (and I'm not so sure I have to), I get stuck with child-eyes. But I'm figuring there might be a way to switch back and forth effortlessly. Let's hope so - I have an idea that bill paying in child mode might cause me a few events that I wouldn't be as thrilled with...

So - any ideas? How do YOU get into child-eyes mode??

Peonies and Gratitude

Right this minute I am far afield from gratitude, I'm visiting the land of Overwhelm - even had dreams of drowning last night (in the waters of tension and "I can't keep up") - sigh! Maybe the drowning dreams just came from going to sleep listening to rain for so many nights in a row (rabbits in our area were beginning to grow fins, I swear)...

Thing is - today was beautifully sunny - so was yesterday - and I enjoyed the sun so much. And now I'm posting this note as my offering to gratitude, even if I'm not actually in the gratitude mood - maybe it'll help me get there!

The picture above is a Peony from a group we have that used to be in our family matriarch's garden. She's been gone for awhile, but every year - when the Peonies poke up out of the ground I read Mary Oliver's poem, Peonies - and I think of my great-aunt and her gorgeous garden (and her way with beauty in all things).

Here's a part of Mary Oliver's poem - found in my copy of New and Selected Poems:

...

all that dampness and recklessness
    gladly and lightly,
        and there it is again ---
            beauty the brave, the exemplary,

blazing open.
    Do you love this world?
        Do you cherish your humble and silky life?
            Do you adore the green grass, with its terror beneath?

...

I do! I cherish my "humble and silky life" - even when I'm feeling overwhelmed and crabby! Even now!! How about YOU?

Happy Wishes to Mothers and Others

I'm grateful today for all the women in my life! I was taking a nice soak a short bit ago and read a lovely bit in Nora Seton's The Kitchen Congregation, which I will share with you now - as I drink some Peppermint tea brought up to the office by the heart warmingly wonderful Slightly-Brit:

"...the ancient tradition of daughters and grandmothers and infants at the feet of elders, the world's waterfall of women, splashing onto the rocks of one generation after the other..."

What gorgeous writing, it's from the essay/chapter "Ida" in the book.

I'm grateful today for ALL the women in my life - past, present and future. I came late to appreciating the friendship of women, but on this glorious day (the sun remembered to shine here today!!) I won't indulge in regret, but just ENJOY...

Wishing all who read this a day of open-hearted JOY and gratitude no matter what is going on outside your eyes!!! (wanted to quote you, hugs'nguts, Debra - but can't remember the quote - where you say you are doing wonderful despite???)

Laugh Progression

I wanted to put up-to-date photos in various places online, so Slightly-British Daughter was taking photos the other day.

She took some shots - trying to figure out lighting and ?. She said that I looked somber (picture to the left). I said I wasn't somber.

She took more shots, grumbled a bit because - she said - every time she thought she had a good shot I would talk - and ruin the picture.
                                                                                                     

I wanted to know how my talking would ruin the picture. She told me - no, no, no - she showed me how the camera was catching my movement and exaggerating it, so that I looked (to quote SBD) "like the Grinch" (way big, ear-to-ear mouth). And No! I am not showing you those pictures!!

Then she started to giggle because I rested my elbow on my knee and my head on my hand, and SBD thought I looked like The  Thinker...

I was still talking too much when she mentioned that it would make things a LOT easier for her if I just went behind the damn Forsythia...

Finally we had to give up - I was laughing so hard that tears were running down my face - and I could not stop!

Sometimes life is (and the people in your life are) just THAT good!!

Gratitude and Giveaway - Oh Joy, Alliteration!

Today was a treat. Slightly-Brit, Manchild and I headed up to Doylestown and walked around enjoying the gorgeous weather in our favorite town.

When we got back I was tired and curled up for a nice nap. I didn't set the alarm - I've been letting my body be my guide for waking when I don't have to get up for any reason.

The gorgeous sunlight streaming through my window woke me - ahhh, I love the sun! But my first thought was - "Ughhhhh!" because I thought it was Saturday and I'd slept through the whole rest of Friday - and it seemed like late Saturday at that! The sun isn't that bright in my room in the early a.m.

But I was wrong, it was still Friday - and I felt like I'd been gifted with a day! Weird, but cool! It was so nice to have more day left.

That'd be a nice feeling to have every morning: Oh joy, I have another day! But - um - I don't have that feeling every morning - didn't have it this morning (pre-trip) - when I was scrambling to get ready, cursing like a sailor and whining like a 2 year-old about almost everything. Just saying.

And on a completely unrelated note - tomorrow I will post about our second book giveaway! This one's a gorgeous journal.

Kid Power, Ballet Flower

When Little Princess was here recently (and when she wasn't asking creepy death-related questions, like the ones I wrote about here) we did silly stuff galore. At one point we were, at LP's direction, holding hands around the dinner table singing:

Fah who for-aze!
Dah who dor-aze!        
Welcome Christmas,        
Come this way!

you know? - the "Welcome Christmas" song from the movie How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Except the lyrics above are the real ones - and though we were singing loud and strong - none of us really knew the words at all. So we sang - but it was nothing like! What fun - singing, holding hands and swaying - with HUGE smiles!!

Obviously, it wasn't anywhere near Christmas - but since we have no compunction about singing when we don't know the words - why would we be bothered about singing out of season (not to mention out of tune - well, that was only one of us, guess which one? guilty!).

We also had an interesting dance lesson wherein LP instructed us in what she called Ballet Flower. For the sake of honesty I'll tell you that I am saying "taught us" strictly in the editorial sense - as I wasn't very involved. I will admit to one attempt at Ballet Flower, but I'm not much of a dancer and Ballet Flower is not much of a dance, so...

LP shouted out the steps, and - like any good dance instructor - demonstrated for us (and kindly adjusted the postures of the slackers as you can see in the photo). We were told/shown to:

• Sit on the floor - legs straight out in front
• Stretch arms overhead and them bend at the waist waving fingers toward toes
• Exclaim (with enthusiasm) "Ballet Flower, here we come!" while waving toward toes
• Throw yourself backwards until lying on the floor on your back
• Alternative last move: throw legs into the air as you go backwards

We've got a lot of kid-like-ness around here, but there is nothing like having an actual little one around (as opposed to just inner children and folks teetering on the edge of senility). LOVE it! Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude!! Thank-you, Thank-you, Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!

Photo: copyright 2009, Karen Caterson (oh-so-important to mention because I'm guessing tons of people would want to run off and claim it as their own - hahahahahaha!)

Connecting with Joy?

Connecting with the kid in me? Or is it just the beauty of connecting in general that caused tears of joy/gratitude/bliss to pour down my face as I watched this video?

Gratitude and the 70's Exercise

This morning while meditating I had another mind-picture -- kinda like the burn-baby-burn picture I mentioned in yesterday's Light With a Twist  post (but less incendiary).

I guess my mind was roving (well, heavens - of course it was roving - my mind is always roving) around recent experiences. I was thinking about, and feeling grateful for, the people in my life who figuratively and/or literally stand beside me when other people in my life drive me nuts.

And I was feeling grateful also for the folks who I don't get to connect with daily - but who are a big part of my life anyway. And more gratitude for folks I don't know who take the time to drop me lines of encouragement. And folks I'll probably never meet who write awesome books or make movies or music that helps me grow or smile or love better through reading their work.

And on and on - remembering the people and connections that have really blessed my heart in the past few days. As I considered these folks and the ways I'm supported in my life - I had a mind-picture of falling backward with a myriad of hands there to keep me from falling down. 

That's what led to an early 70's flashback of sorts. I was back in a class called Interpersonal Communication with a pony-tailed male professor who was leading us in an experiment*.

In the class we were instructed to form a small circle and hold hands. Someone was called out to stand in the middle of the circle. As we had no idea what was coming next - and because I feared some sort of elementary school hell-game like The Farmer in the Dell - I attempted to make myself invisible. As I recall it didn't work (never does - sigh!).

Everyone had their chance (read: forced participation) to be in the middle of the circle. While in the middle you were supposed to close your eyes, hold your arms down at your sides, make your body stiff and allow the circle folks to maneuver you around. The circle was small enough so that you didn't have room to fall - IF everyone stayed in the circle formation and used their locked hands to support you (and bounce you around). The point was to experience trust.

For someone who was almost allergic to groups (at least classroom groups) I'm amazed to say that I did experience trust (though given the chance I'd have run like a rabbit). I love that mind-picture - hands that won't let me fall - the visual of the web of support that is life. And remembering that, though I may have lost some of that trusting feeling for years, I learned about it way back in the 70's - and it's always been there waiting for me!! 

*Do not try this at home! We're not in the 70's anymore (look around - the hippies have become The Man) and I will not be responsible for you attempting this silly-a## exercise!! Who knows how many Naughty-Nora's around you would move at the last minute and enjoy hearing a thud!?!

And Now For Something Completely Different

 

(hmmm, I think we can blame that subject line on Manchild. I heard Monty Python DVD's playing when I walked past his room on the way to the office just now.)

Ok, I said I was going to talk about Seth Godin's book, Tribes, the rest of the week. The cool thing is: I remembered.

You think I'm kidding? Around here that's a big deal - there's an ongoing joke about my inability to remember things (I feel cheated - wisdom is supposed to come with getting older - not a colander brain - sigh!).

Today (oh, you are so lucky - grin) I'll be brief. I'm not going about the book itself today - this post is about one of the ways the book influenced me.

I was thinking about the stories I mentioned in yesterday's post - the Seth Godin/Facebook experiment and my lab class from grad school. 

What stood out was how much leeway we have to redeem ourselves when we realize that how we relate - how we show up - isn't the way we want it to be.

The participants in my lab class did that - we were humbled when we saw the lesson behind the task - when we noticed how poorly we treated each other in pursuit of the goal. We made apologies - and began again. After that lab, we paid more attention to how we attacked an assignment than to just completing it.

I expect that a non-participating member of Seth Godin's Facebook group - who was reflective and interested in growing - would make changes as well, if they read their story in Tribes.

I'm grateful for the ability to reflect and transform. That's all - short and sweet - I love that we have the potential to grow - and I love books and stories that remind me of that innate power.