Bright Side of the Road Indeed

 

 

We're honoring Breast Cancer Awareness month and Body Mindfulness this week - starting off with a blog book tour stop.

Anne Marie Bennett is stopping by to celebrate her wonderful new book, Bright Side of the Road: A Spiritual Journey Through Breast Cancer.

Please visit throughout the week, as we will continue with more from Anne Marie - including a book give-away and an audio interview (where Anne Marie and I will discuss ways to "be there" with folks who are dealing with life-threatening illness) - as well as Body Mindfulness posts.

So let's get started - here's our author, Anne Marie Bennett - who you may know as the founder of Kaleidosoul, the online SoulCollage® community) - that's her at work on the right.

I asked Anne Marie a few questions that I thought Square-Peg Reflections readers might be interested in - and Anne Marie responded. Her answers are in brown (or "nutmeg" - Typepad's name for the color - not that the nutmeg vs. brown thing is all that important - but...well...I digress...)

Question #1: If you had a few minutes to sit with someone who just received a breast cancer diagnosis, what would you tell them? (I'm figuring you'd just commiserate first, but after that - what advice or suggestions would you offer??)

Anne Marie's response: Only a few minutes? Hmmm… I would mostly listen, especially at first, and see what questions she had.

If she was open to a dialogue, I might reassure her that everything she is feeling is perfectly normal. I would encourage her to express her feelings and to really really FEEL every last one of them, even the burning fear and anger.

If she wanted advice or suggestions, I would tell her to focus on Gratitude. To find even the smallest things to celebrate each day. To find a way to keep out of the past and the future, to stay in the present moment as much as possible. And also, to allow herself to be loved, to seek community and support, and to be open to receiving it even from unlikely places.

Question #2: What would you suggest - to someone who has a friend or family member diagnosed with breast cancer - about helping and/or talking about cancer?

Anne Marie's response: I found several things helpful when family and friends were relating to me during my cancer experience. First of all, I really loved it when people treated me like “normal.”

I’m referring to the people that asked me about my art, or my stepkids, or what book I was reading, instead of focusing on my cancer.

Once in a while, it was nice to hear “how are you feeling?” but after a while it got tiring to explain that to people!

Look at it this way: this person you love is going on a journey and you can’t really go with them. Pretend they are going on a vacation to Africa, or another exotic place you’ve never been. What do you, YOU, really want to know about what they are going through?

There’s no right answer to this question. It depends on you. If they were going to Africa, you might be the kind of person who asked about the weather, or you might be the kind of person who wants to know more about the animals.

Likewise, when thinking of your loved one’s journey with breast cancer, genuinely think about what YOU are curious about.

You might want to know if she really likes her doctor. Or you might be more interested in the drugs she’s receiving for chemo, or if her wig itches!

Questions show that you are genuinely interested, but it’s important to take your cues from her. Don’t ask questions if she doesn’t want to talk.

And most importantly, take care of yourself, first and foremost. Be sure that YOU are getting enough rest and good food and time for yourself. You can’t really “be there” for someone else unless you are there for yourself first.

Question #3: What have you learned, personally, about body-image and body-acceptance that you learned because of having journeyed through breast cancer?

Anne Marie's response: In the last chapter of Bright Side of the Road, I describe my experience at a Women Living with Breast Cancer Retreat at Kripalu which is a center for yoga and health in the Massachusetts Berkshires.

At that retreat, one of the things we did at the end of the weekend was get into a hot tub together (there were 18 of us), after placing temporary tattoos on our cancer-torn bodies.

Up until that moment in time, I had really been loathing my body. I had gained weight from too much emotional eating during my treatments, and my left breast was still there, but definitely deformed because of the two lumpectomies. I felt lopsided and ugly in my own skin, and I’d never really felt that way before.

But right then, stepping into that swirling, frothy water with 17 other women whose own bodies were in equal, less, or worse disrepair… I suddenly realized… I really “got” the fact that it’s what’s inside of me that’s way more important than what I look like.

Because I had fallen in love with all of those women in the course of the weekend, and it didn’t matter one whit to me whether or not they had one breast or two breasts, or deformed breasts, or scars on their belly or legs from reconstructive surgery. They were who they were because of what was inside of them.

 

Thank you, Anne Marie, for visiting with us!

Anne Marie Bennett is a writer, self-taught collage artist, website goddess, cancer survivor and SoulCollage® Facilitator.  She received a BS degree in Education from Southern Connecticut State University and has taught people of all ages throughout the East Coast.  She has also worked as a bookseller, sheet presser, library assistant, computer consultant, and in theatre management. Anne Marie lives in eastern Massachusetts with her middle-aged husband (also a cancer survivor), two elderly cats and one very playful dog who keeps all of them young-at-heart. She is happiest when she is reading, writing, breathing salt air, dancing, and hugging her beautiful grandchildren.  

For more information about Anne Marie’s book, Bright Side of the Road, please visit this page: New Breast Cancer Book

Comments

[Laura Hegfield]

I loved when you talked about the questions people ask and how important it is to be seen as YOU, despite the illness and treatments. Imagining that your friend or loved one is on a trip some place you've never been and using that as a spring board for questions...brilliant. And of course your valuable advice about listening first...always listening, and not assuming someone is asking for advice. Thanks Anne Marie and Karen.

[Square-Peg Karen]

oh, I so agree Laura - brilliant words!! That's one of the reasons I love the book so!!