What's Baking Got to Do With it? (or: How You Cook is How You Live)

A week or so ago I posted an update on Facebook (complete with a link to an earlier blog post called Messing With Martha's Scones) the update read: I wrote this (Martha Stewart scone-related & rather silly) post awhile ago - last night I went even wilder. I think you could now say that I'm straight-out effin with Martha's scones...yum

The response from Facebook friends went philosophical (you never can tell what'll happen with social media). It's an interesting read, with loads of brilliant folks taking part - you can find it here.

So I've been thinking...

What can we (yes, WE - I'd really like to hear your related stories!!) learn about ourselves from our cooking/baking processes?

The philosophical ponderings started with Teryll E Sacks' question: "I wonder what our styles of cooking/baking (or at least our approaches) say about how we approach life." Brilliant question! It certainly got folks talking (note link above to the Facebook discussion) - and my mind's been playing with similar ideas ever since.

A story came to mind (a remembrance, actually), that makes a sure connection between my cooking habits and my life outlook:

Years ago we had a death in the family - kind people brought food.

A friend from way back in elementary school brought the yummiest, comfort foody thing - macaroni and cheese. Some time later, when I returned her dish, I told her we loved it and asked: "How'd you make that?"

I have this mental picture of her backing up s l o w l y (so as not to disturb the grieving woman) - and racing off. She's not the racing off type, so I'm probably imagining that...

She did give me a funny look, though - like maybe she wondered if I was pulling her leg - or had completely lost my marbles.

Slowly, very slowly, she said "Macaroni" - and, a few seconds later added "and cheese." There was a note of warning in her voice - so I didn't ask her to elaborate.

The thing was - at that time all I knew of macaroni and cheese was Kraft's (add heated milk and margarine and a packet of powdered cheese)

or

the laborious process of making a roux, then adding cheese.

Consequently, we rarely had macaroni and cheese around SP headquarters. Until Jane's much yummier than Kraft or the fancy-schmanzy stuff, I'd never tasted what I now think of as real macaroni and cheese (the basics and nuttin' but - cheese melted onto macaroni).

What does that say about my cooking (and consequently, how I live my life)? Um, apparently I make cooking (read: life) more complicated than it really is. Guilty!

Taking the Facebook discussion on another path, awesome coach Kathy Loh wondered: "So now, if I change my way of cooking/baking will that change my life?"

Hmmm...well, one question I asked myself was - what would happen if I wore an apron when I cooked?

I only occasionally don an apron, what if I wore one deliberately? I haven't experimented with this in real life yet, but I've given it some thought...

• maybe, instead of looking around for something to wipe my hands on last minute (when I'm covered in goo) I could be prepared (because really, when is cooking/baking/life not messy?) 
• maybe, instead of getting all pissy and swearing at the universe because of its obvious unfairness with regards to me (the goo - and nowhere to wipe it) I could be prepared 
• maybe, I could prepare - Oh!

Yea, I'm not much for planning ahead - which can be lovely, but not when combined with unconscious expectations (and what is the swearing at the universe bit but an outward sign of unconscious expectations?).

So here's another thing that my cooking/baking processes teach me about how I live. I can get whiny (and blame-y) around not getting the results I didn't even realize I'd expected (Me? - unconsciously idealize? Me? Ok, maybe...)

Seems like a number of negative things shows up when I try to find out how my baking/cooking relates to my living -- but there are also positives (there have to be, there always are!). Interestingly, they don't come to mind as readily (oh damn, that says something too).

First thing off the top of my head -- Positives: playful attitude, not mired in "the rules" (yea, different people would consider that less than positive - it's a Square-Peg thing I think), adventurous (I put my whole self into things), a deep thinker (relates to making things complicated)...

How about you? Positive or negative - what does your cooking saying about how you live?

Comments

[Kylie]

Karen, this is SO wonderful. And really applicable to me, as someone who loves to cook, yet doesn't always feel like doing it.

Some thoughts:

-I don't like to be rushed while cooking (as in life).
-When I'm preparing something while I'm angry or rushed, it rarely turns out well (need to pay attention to this one).
-The things I cook usually turn out way better than I think they will (maybe I underestimate myself both in cooking and life).
-It makes me feel really cared for to let myself bake very slowly and methodically on a weekend afternoon. I wonder what would happen if I let myself do other things in my life slowly and methodically?

Love.

[Square-Peg Karen]

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh! What wonderful insights!!

I LOVE this: "(maybe I underestimate myself both in cooking and life)." -- sounds like, in just noticing that, you give yourself some well-deserved love and back-pats!?! I hope so.

Somehow the phrase "slowly and methodically" is rolling around in my head - it sounds poetic to me right now.

Thanks for wondering here...
xox

[DianReid]

I love when the "little" things in life lead us to dig deep into the souls of our being, ha! I think about the differences between mine and Erin's cooking styles: she, thoughtful and creative and thorough; me, a little of this, a little of that glance at the directions every once in a while and hope everything is edible when it's all said and done.

I wonder how each of us would change if we tried the other's style of cooking... would it give us a deeper glimpse into how each approaches life? I think you're on to something my friend ... or in the words of my grandmother: HOT DAMN, I GOTTA TRY THAT!

[Elizabeth Marie]

I love this. I have to think about it for a while because the way I bake (especially) doesn't really reflect what I think of as the way I live. But maybe I'm wrong. I absolutely love to bake, don't bake as often as I'd like, rarely bake something that isn't magically delicious. When a recipe fails, I tend to laugh and start over again, tweak it until it works. Maybe I should apply this approach to the way I live. I seem to be far more critical of the things I don't quite accomplish outside of the kitchen even though I suspect they're much more "delicious" than I think they are.

Oh, I gave up wearing an apron after my husband moved out. Now I just wipe my goopy hands down the backs of my jeans and laugh when I get flour all over my dark sweater because I'm always wearing a dark sweater when I bake. (not on purpose, or not consciously on purpose) Flour and dough come out of jeans and sweaters.

[Claire Tompkins]

I don't like to cook without a recipe. When I've tried it, it usually doesn't work out. I had some delightful raw hummus at a friend's party recently and emailed for the recipe. She replied, oh, I put in a few tablespoons of tahini, lots of lemon, garlic to taste and salt and voila! Well, maybe it was because I left the "voila" out, but my hummus didn't taste anything like hers. Because that wasn't a recipe she gave me, it was a wisp of an idea to be filled in by someone who knows more about cooking than I do.

I guess cooking is a means to an end for me, not a process I particularly enjoy. Is that bad? There are other areas in my life where I do enjoy the process and am eager to learn more about it. Cooking doesn't seem to be one of them. That said, I cook a lot, but I choose simple recipes that I really like to eat. I like the eating part.

[Square-Peg Karen]

Me too! I love how that little->big thing works.

Dian, I'm thinking you and Erin sound like a great team - some thorough, some playful - both creative! Awesome!!

And I really like that idea of trying each other's style of cooking -- wouldn't it be interesting to try a bunch of different styles? Wonder how many aha's that'd bring up?

p.s. Like the sound of your grandmother!

[Square-Peg Karen]

Elizabeth Marie, this:
" I absolutely love to bake, don't bake as often as I'd like, rarely bake something that isn't magically delicious. " really jumped out at me!

My take on that was - wow, sounds like Elizabeth Marie conserves her (baking) energy, doesn't toss out muffins willy-nilly : ) but when she does (bake), she's magic!

And your lightheartedness around it all - flour on your jeans, laughing if the baking doesn't go as planned -- love that! Sounds like a great way to live (I mean bake).

[Square-Peg Karen]

Claire, I have a grin the size of Texas right now! I love how different we can all be!

Doesn't it make complete sense that you'd be the clutter coach? Sounds like you "get" systems and organization (somehow that gene never attached itself to me).

I would absolutely LOVE to do that style-switch thing Dian talked about - as a matter of fact I am (kinda/sorta) learning to use systems (ok, I'm in the remedial class...lol).

Seems like maybe (just guessing here - as I've done with the other comments I made -- not like I know how things are for you or the others who I've made "this is how it seems to me" comments to) you live (cook) very practically. Simple recipes that you like to eat -- things that make sense, that have rhyme and reason behind them (not fluff for fluff's sake).

"...cooking is a means to an end..." - you asked: "is that bad?" - I think NOT! Where would we be without people who get systems - foundations??

p.s. nearly spit coffee at this: "Well, maybe it was because I left the "voila" out, but my hummus didn't taste anything like hers." Love your humor!!

[jane]

have never thought of this before but A. i am a messy cook - and Yes i am a messy person - tidy is not big on my list of priorities.
B. i like a recipie - a plan - i do plan ahead for lots of stuff but
C. i am adaptable when i need to be.
D. the sensual experience of stirring etc often passes me by because i am in a hurry to get the job done... mmm shall we leave that alone????
E. i don't like to eat dough/mixture - like my family do... half finished doesn't work for me in the rest of life either

[Square-Peg Karen]

Giggling at "...mmm shall we leave that alone????"

Messy. Likes to plan, but is adaptable. Not fond of half finished. Sounds like a get-stuff-done creative!

And I wonder about the sensual bit, jane -- is it possible that you experience sensual more visually than tactile-y (or differently than you think you might/should -if that makes any sense)? The photographs you take have a very earthy/sensual feel to me...

[Claire Tompkins]

Well, I kind of get systems, until they get too system-y. I think if you make something up and it works, you can call it a system. I had a client who showed me a desk drawer filled with crumpled receipts. Those were his business expenses. Thing is, he spent just an hour or so uncrumpling them and adding them up before tax time. And, there was nothing else in that drawer to get mixed up with them. And, it was simple as hell to use. So we left that system alone.

I'm also an artist (surprise!) and process is everything over in that part of my life. There's no way to go from idea to finished thing by using logic. Not if you want to come out with art. (I've tried it; you get propaganda.)

But it's hard to embrace the unknown and the not knowing whether something will work (esp. when there's a show coming up!) So I go back and forth between trusting my process (because I don't really have a choice) and trying to direct my process (because I don't really trust it).

[Square-Peg Karen]

Love what you said about systems, Claire -- if you make it up and it works it's a system - REALLY! That so works for me, as opposed to trying to fit into someone else's system (like what you said about your client's drawer - "simple as hell to use" -it worked!).

Ohhhhhhh, I so agree about getting propaganda when you try to do art from pure logic (or even, it seems to me, when enough logic is mucking up the system enough to choke creative looseness).

[Giulietta the Muse]

Hi Karen,

Brilliant analogy.

The way I bake absolutely reflects my larger attitude towards life.

1) have a difficult time following the recipe/rules. I may start out following them but soon diverge. Like to do it my own way.

2) it tends to be spontaneous. I just decide to bake something and may have to run out to get the basics!

3) my spices are strewn all over the counter with no organization of any kind.

4) if it's yummy like cake, I don't even wait to put it on my plate, i'll just cut and eat, getting crumbs all over the place. (my sig. other says he always knows exactly what I ate for lunch!)

5) i like to toss all sorts of things in a salad - enjoy the food adventure and the unknown taste.

Fun post! G.

p.s. this disappeared when I hit preview. am trying again.

[Square-Peg Karen]

Thanks for your persistence, Giulietta - I get cranky when stuff I've written disappears!! So glad you tried again!!

Love your cake-crumb-scattering, do it my way, adventurous free spirit!!!

[Sandi Amorim]

I immediately thought...

How you do anything is how you do everything!

Going to ponder my ways in the kitchen now ;-)

[Square-Peg Karen]

Why am I not surprised that you thought of the "How you do anything is how you do everything!"? lol - guess it's because I know you're a smart cookie!