STD - That's a Benefit?

I've been filling out a lot of paperwork lately - and making a lot of phone calls (let's not even talk about the phone calls - argh!) due to the Mr. having a stroke a couple weeks ago.

The experience has been interesting, to say the least -

I mean the paperwork experience has been interesting. The family-member-in-medical-crisis is interesting, too - but in a different (probably less objective) way. And the Mr. is home now, recovering nicely (but that's a story for another time).

Back to the paperwork. Here's an example: on said paperwork every time Short Term Disability Benefits are discussed the acronym STD is used. So STD Benefits appears all over the place in the paperwork. Which is disconcerting. Because when I see STD I don't think of Short Term Disability, I think of Sexually Transmitted Disease. And personally, I'd pass on any benefit offered by (sexually transmitted) STD's.

But there have been benefits to dealing with all this paperwork -- for one, I've been forced to practice some of the tools in my self-care toolbox.

I oftentimes forget to use my self-care tools. Well, to be honest - it's not that I forget to use them, I mostly put them off: "Yeah, yeah, I'll do that in a minute (hour, tomorrow, next week...)."

The silly thing about this is that I'd be the first one to remind YOU of the airplane story. You know the one? If there's trouble on the airplane put the oxygen mask on yourself first, before helping others - because you can't help others if you're in distress (or passed out). That story!

I'd remind you of it - and encourage you to take care of yourself in the ways that work best for you, using the tools in YOUR self-care toolbox.

But for myself I keep thinking: "I'll get to that later. After the towels are washed, and some of the effing phone calls are made. Or after I've played with some of the STD paperwork - or when I'm done making dinner."

Bah! The same rules that apply to YOU apply to me - I need to grab my oxygen mask (self-care tools) daily if I want to do work that matters. Hey, sometimes I need to grab my oxygen mask just to keep sane. And so I don't spend the day snapping at people - funny how jumpy that makes folks.

So I've been reminded - by the daily happenings related to the Mr.'s stroke - of the importance of my self-care tools. And I've been practicing them a lot!

Humor's been at the top (for me a life without humor isn't a life - but that could just be me - my funny bone might be overdeveloped) - I've been making sure to get in a silly DVD at least once a day (current favorites: Arrested Development, Jeeves & Wooster and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia).

Then there's music - I haven't played a lot of music lately, but I've been whistling the tunes from Jeeves & Wooster - and also Scott Joplin tunes (???). I began a 30 Days of Yoga practice, through Anna Guest-Jelley of Curvy Yoga (way to connect to the body! could not have done this at a better time!!).

And above-the-top, even before humor (muahaha, you didn't think I'd be logical, did you?) there's gratitude! Ohmyword! Unexpected illness/recovery, like grief, brings on - for me - those Our Town feelings.

Remember the part in Thornton Wilder's play, Our Town, when (the deceased) Emily says: "Oh, earth, you're too wonderful for anybody to realize you. Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it -- every, every minute?" Whenever I read those lines the same feelings that came over me the first time I saw the play are evoked.

Each time I swear I'll never forget again - I'll appreciate each and every moment. Except I don't. And maybe I can't - maybe we can't - maybe that's too much intensity.

But what I can do - what we can do, is: remind each other. I think one or the other of us is always going through something big - something heart-opening, something unexpected - that causes us to remember how gloriously wonderful every minute is - and brings us gratitude for little things, little times, little wonders (so easily ignored in our busy lives).

And we can remind each other - share the Our Town moments. Because remembering - and feeling that gratitude - might even be more important than humor!

p.s. Don't let anyone tell you there are no benefits to STD's - my experience with STD Benefits paperwork has opened the door to increased gratitude and self-care tool use

Comments

[Mary Ellen]

Thanks for the reminder Karen. I am definitely like with the airplane story. Why is it so difficult to take care of ourselves? Hmmm.

Hope the Mr. continue to mend quickly.

[Square-Peg Karen]

Thank you, Mary Ellen! And - I don't know -- I wish I could figure out why we find it so difficult to take care of ourselves in a timely manner. Does it have to do with being women "of a certain age"? (actually I think your certain age is ages younger than my certain age - lol) -- or is it something that comes upon us when we become moms?? I wonder...

[Joyfulmess]

Karen--

First of all, I'm sorry to hear about your husband's stroke. I'm glad he's recovering nicely, but it can't be a fun experience for him, you, or anyone in the family.

Secondly, I think you bring up a really interesting point about whether or not always appreciating each and every moment of life would be too much intensity. I'm thinking a lot about--and even better, really trying to practice--in-the-moment mindfulness lately, and I've noticed that for me, peace comes when the levels of emotion and intensity decrease. When I just calmly notice things, flowing along with my experience from moment to moment without a lot of attachment one way or the other. Being a mere observer.

That's not to say emotions are bad! And I'm writing this late at night so I don't know how well I'm even expressing it. But all through my childhood and teenhood I was a pretty big drama queen--everything had to be made into a biiiiig deal (whether it should have been or not). Now, as I'm approaching that "certain age" range you allude to , I'm discovering the joys of the less bumpy road.

So for me...for right now, at least...the intensity factor is something I'm deliberately choosing for myself. Whether to allow myself to get invested in emotion or simply drift and observe, depending on my needs of the moment. And I'm surprised and grateful to discover this is possible!

Lots of food for thought and discussion here, I think. :o)

[Gail McConnon]

Ahhhh Karen . . . I've been thinking of you lately. (Not that I'm the least little bit clairvoyant, mind you. Just easily distracted.) Anyway, I'm sorry you've been going through this. Your approach, on the other hand, definitely makes me smile. I'll admit I would not have attached gratitude to STD. Then again, my mind automatically goes to the "other" STD interpretation and says, "He**, at least there was sex involved!". Okay, so it's been a long dry spell. And my mind goes looking for gutters when things get hot and dry.

But back to you: Thank you, my friend. Thank you for reminding me that, despite all the crap life throws our way, there is so much more mystery and wonder to be experienced if we only open ourselves to it. And thank you for fond memories of a time long ago, when I was part of Our Town - a very bad bit part - and wonderful connections were formed and strengthened. And thank you most of all for sharing yourself, and your great perspective on all you're dealing with, so the rest of us don't feel quite so alone in our own versions of the "hard".

Much love. All the best to the Mr. Keep laughing. Keep breathing. Keep sharing your stories.

[Charlotte Dixon]

Oh dear, Karen, somehow I missed the part about the Mr. having a stroke. So sorry to hear it! And you are so, so right on about the importance of self-care. For so long, it was thought to be selfish, especially when women felt the need for it. For me, a vital piece of self-care is taking time to journal every morning, and follow that with prayer and meditation. The day just goes better when I do, that's all there is to it. Sending the Mr. love and healing thoughts!

[Susan T. Blake]

Thanks for this, Karen, and for your willingness to share your first-hand (painfully learned) lessons.

Your wording of "personally, I'd pass on any benefit offered by (sexually transmitted) STD's." We know you meant "say No Thank You to", but when I read it it comes across as "pass along the benefits" which is also not so good. But part of the definition LOL!

If you need a giggle, just listen to Bobby McFerrin's "Don't Worry Be Happy" or The Grateful Dead's "Touch of Gray," and Paul Klusman's cat videos always make me laugh.

Hugs to you and your whole family!

[Mel]

I'm so glad your Mr. is recovering. Well wishes.

"Each time I swear I'll never forget again" Yes. And how times of upheaval can bring it out... I've been thinking that it's something to do with the dichotomy of Joy & Pain - I haven't been able to verbalize it or even really put my finger on it, I just know that under duress I am far more likely to notice the tiny moments of exquisite beauty that come along with the shit. And my heart gets bigger in the process. Like you say, maybe it is too intense for everyday. Thanks for sharing that about Our Town - I haven't read it in years - How perfect!

[emma]

The reminder is a splendid one.

Sending bucket loads of good juju to help Mr. continue on his speedy road to recovery.

And that quote from Our Town makes me ache in understanding every single time.

Thank you. xo

[Square-Peg Karen]

Joyfulmess (love, love, love that nickname-and love seeing you here!), I get what you're saying about calmness and "in-the-moment mindfulness" (and you siad it wonderfully).

I think the observation mode - rather than in-the-soup mode - is SO helpful when things feel like a big deal. And lowering the intensity -- such good stuff. You've got wonderful self-care tools and I thank you for sharing them here!

[Square-Peg Karen]

Hahahaha "at least there was sex involved" -- funny gal! Thanks for the love and for your good wishes, Gail! And yes, breathing I will keep doing (lol) - and sharing my stories as well - can't seem to stop.

[Square-Peg Karen]

Thank you dear Charlotte, for the healing thoughts and for sharing about your self-care tools -- I haven't journaled every day for a LONG time - might be a good thing to get back to.

I used to follow Julia Cameron's rules -- 3 pages, handwritten - and I really DID feel like the day went better.

As for prayer and meditation - I'm grabbing those throughout the day now (never was good at setting specific times for stuff like that) - kinda frequently, and it's helping, but I think I'd like to calmly (thinking of Michelle/Joyfulmess's comment above) plan the time that I meditate and pray - rather than running to it...going to ponder that!

[Square-Peg Karen]

Ha! Susan, I'm still giggling at your reminding me to say "No Thank You" - you're just so polite! And "pass along the benefits" -ohmy! Not so good is right!!!

Really appreciate the giggle suggestions - I've heard just drops of Bobby McFerrin's song - going to check that out. And never saw Klusman videos or Grateful Dead's song - thanks so much!

Thanks for the hugs -- sending you a BIG one back. <3

[Square-Peg Karen]

Mel, I wish I could hug you!! The wording here: "far more likely to notice the tiny moments of exquisite beauty that come along with the shit" (bold = my addition) touches my heart!!

I've said (maybe even on the blog somewhere) that I hesitate to be friends with anyone who can't say "shit" when they're standing in it - because sometimes it just IS shit!

Love how you said your "heart gets bigger in the process" - so true, so true! And I think we've got a choice in that - some people go through shit (there, I said it again - lol) and come out covered in it - all bitter and closed-hearted -- I want to go your way; I want to let it enlarge my heart! Thanks for reminding me of that!

so glad that the reference to Our town touched you. and thanks for the well wishes!!

[Square-Peg Karen]

Em, love - so glad the reminder touched you. I know - that Our Town quote is priceless, isn't it?

Thanks much for the "good juju" - looks like it's working!!