Grace Notes

A couple~few whiles ago (I'm time impaired, can you tell?) I found a heart-opening post on the interweb. The story was robed in grace. I read it - and reread it, pointed to it - and shared it with Slightly-British Daughter on a car ride.

I can't define grace. I've often said that grace is, for me, like the porn thing. Remember when Justice Potter Stewart, of the U.S. Supreme Court (when he couldn't come up with an exact definition of porn) said: "I know it when I see it."?

Even though I can't define grace, I was quite taken by the grace in the grace-robed story. Because I know grace when I see it (or read it).

As we drove along I decided to tell the story to Slightly-Brit (who, btw, is an adult - which will matter as you read on). While blinking back tears (I was so choked up), I began to share...

But mid-tell someone who'd been riding my tail for miles finally distracted me past patience.

And there, with the grace story still sticking to my tongue, and tears still welling up in my eyes (because I was so choked up), and The Peace Center license plate still displayed on the front of my car (because I'm proud that my son volunteered there for years - and I believe in peace - and everything to do with nonviolent communication)...

I shouted: "Get off my ass you fucking dick-head!"

And even though I can't define grace it was pretty easy to figure out that that was not grace. At all.

One good thing I can say about my shouting is (besides being glad the windows were closed): it was so loud that it woke me up to the hypocrite thing pretty quickly.

What came next was a kind of grace.

The ludicrousness of my telling a grace story while shouting profanity must've rolled over Slightly-Brit and I at the same time.

We shared a wry smile (one of those ain't-life-weird smiles. Or maybe, in SBD's case, it was an ain't-my-mother-weird smile).

Quickly adding more ludicrousness, I looked over my shoulder at the guy who'd been riding my tail and repeated a phrase from my childhood church experience: "The Lord be with you."

Slightly-Brit just as quickly added a phrase from her childhood church experience: "And also with you."

Then we laughed so hard I almost had to pull over.

Grace isn't just for other people. Sometimes grace is for ourselves.

Realizing that we're all Bozos on this bus - and that that's life (particularly right when I've auditioned for head clown) - and laughing about it (rather than hating on myself or getting worse) is sometimes as close to grace as I can get.

Having someone with me who saw what was going on - and also didn't hate on me, but instead laughed with me, well - even without being able to define it I think that's grace. Brava Bozo-grace!

Got a grace note moment you'd like to share?

Comments

[Andrea Maurer]

I LOVE THIS! Are you sure we aren't related? I speak that language. Fluently. XO

[Sandi Amorim]

OMG, I love this post! The humanity of our bozoness is awesome and refreshing and oh-so-needed!

[Mary Ellen]

Isn't it amazing that grace so often comes along in the form of laughter?

We're going through a transition at work and it looks like most of us will be out of a job by the end of the year. I had the opportunity to talk with a knowledgeable co-worker I rarely see and hoped to glean some helpful tips on how to find the next job. So, we sat in her office (actually it's our office but we usually work on different days) and I very seriously said to her "Can I pick your nose"? What I MEANT to say was "Can I pick your brain?" but who could even get to the correction because we were laughing so hard. That deep and raucous laughter was the grace we needed to banish the unspoken fear of what's to come.

[Square-Peg Karen]

LOL, Andrea - we must be related then!

Did you ever tell people you wanted your tombstone to have the words from A Christmas Story on it - that part about the dad: "my father wove a tapestry of obscenity that as far as we know, is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan"?

I love that we're both Soul Callers AND fluent in trucker!

[Square-Peg Karen]

Thanks, Sandi! Love the phrase "the humanity of our bozoness" - sounds like a great tattoo (except those probably hurt -- so, maybe a t-shirt slogan).

[Square-Peg Karen]

Mary Ellen, I hadn't thought of that - but you are SO right! Grace seems connected to laughter OFTEN!

I'm sorry to hear that you might be out of a job by the end of the year - and hoping your co-worker had some good ideas for another placement.

How lovely (and hilarious) to have that grace time with your office mate. The phrase "deep and raucous laughter" makes me smile big!

If you do have to move on I'm wishing you find something beyond awesome! Thanks for sharing here.

[Susan T. Blake]

OMG, you made me laugh out loud! And smile, which isn't the same. Yes, we're all bozos on this bus. Glad I'm on your bus.

[Square-Peg Karen]

Susan, it makes me happy to think I made you laugh out loud! I'm glad we're on the same bus, too!!

[Lynne Tolk]

Hi Karen,

I haven't been here in a while, and now I am reminded how much I've been missing!

Grace, I think is always around. Receiving it lies in the noticing. Bless you for noticing and for passing that on!

Lynne

[Charlotte Dixon]

You won't believe this (never mind, maybe you will) but I recently attempted to define grace in that exact same way--I know it when I see it. As for the rest of your story, thank you. I laughed out loud.

[Square-Peg Karen]

I believe you, Charlotte. You're welcome, I love that you laughed out loud at the story! Thanks for letting me know - that got me smiling.

[Dagny]

Karen,

Once again I am amazed. When you share moments that lead to moments of grace, it gives permission (and validation) to the reader. I know you are aware how heart opening that is. I read this and said, 'Oh so I am not the only one who behaves in such weird ways!'

I remember I was reading a book on self mastery. I read a particularly exciting chapter and thought I ought to share this with a friend. I was very sure he would find the techniques invaluable. I called him up and started dishing out the wisdom in truck-loads. He listened attentively.

Once I finished and concluded the call, I sat back pleased as punch. You'd have seen my halo glowing bright.

An hour later I wanted to kick myself.

Why on earth was I reading the book thinking how beneficial it might be for someone else? Of course it is good to share wisdom... but should I not learn something myself? Why had I turned myself into a mere conduit- and an insulated one at that?

I saw then that I had turned into a hypocritical preacher... pompous and self-righteous to boot. Truly, that realization was the moment of grace for me. I promised myself that day that I will NEVER permit myself to teach to someone else something I hadn't imbibed myself. I promised myself that I will practice and only then think of preaching; I will become my own student first of all.

I am glad God let me experience that moment.

Bless you for this moment of deep laughter sunshine. :)
Dagny

[j]

I love this story. I think your moment of grace was spectacular - how could it not be? It included calling someone a fucking dick-head, the call and response from my Catholic childhood, and uncontrollable laughter. Perfect.

(Do you know they changed the peace response? I forget what it is, something like, "and also with your spirit," which just doesn't have the old ring somehow.)

[Square-Peg Karen]

Giggling, j -- "how could it not be?" Really, right - all the elements were there! Hmmm...I agree, that "and also with your spirit" doesn't sound the same, sigh.

[Square-Peg Karen]

Thanks for this, Dagny -- I hope it's ok that I really DO see you with a halo! p.s. please don't kick yourself : ) Hug yourself and laugh - we're all such contradictions!

[Robyn]

Oh my... were we separated at birth?

[Petrea]

He he he great story! I can't tell you how many time I have found myself in similar situations luckily catching it and bringing it more to light. Like writing about "being present" and in the middle of writing it someone interrupts and I get annoyed with them for interrupting my thought! LOL

[Ellie Di]

Heehee! This made me tear up and giggle at the same time - a winning combination, I feel.

Grace is a tricksy thing, something I'm just starting to get to know in my daily life. I totally get what you mean by "I know it when I see it," too. The irony of your story is perfect for illustrating the point. Sometimes, the lesson of grace is to remind us when we're out of it.

[Square-Peg Karen]

LOL, Robyn - could be! Giggle

[Square-Peg Karen]

I love hearing and telling these kinds of stories, Petrea -- so opposite the I've-got-it-all-together kinds of stories that I see so much of; this feels like Truth to me - we're all Bozos, we all fail, fall short of our big plans, - AND we're all glorious & gorgeous. Glad this resonated for you!!

[Square-Peg Karen]

Ellie, if you asked me what I'd most want a reader to get out of my writing I'd say: I'd like them to "tear up and giggle at the same time" (like YOU said in this comment) -- makes me smile big that you had that reaction. Thanks for letting me know!!

[Terri]

I had a "Grace Notes" moment last Sunday afternoon and returned to read this post and comments again.

I was rockin' along doing something I thought was special when all of a sudden something annoyed me. Bam! I was off in another direction expressing emotions about what annoyed me. The grace was accepting "Oh well, you are human and humans have emotions. Whew, glad that is over."

I think I'd qualify for membership in the "Humanity of Bozoness" club, Sandi! I'm applying for a reserved seat on the bus too!

Lots of good ideas for t-shirts (Karen's idea) from the very beginning all through the comment section. I counted six of them. Anyone do silk screening?

Thanks Karen and commenters!

[Square-Peg Karen]

Ooooh, t-shirts - there's an idea, Terri!

So glad you had a Grace Notes moment, I wish it was real easy to remember grace - REAL easy - but then maybe we wouldn't call it 'grace' - it'd just be the way things were (which might not be half bad).

Thanks for commenting (and for all your encouragement), Terri - see you on the bus!