The other day, as part of my dedication to X-treme self-care, I was headed upstairs for a nice soak in the tub. On the way up I grabbed the book Sin Boldly.
I'm trying to weed out my books - send some on to their next home. And I figured that Sin Boldly would be easy to part with - I could reread it while soaking, get out and toss it in the thrift shop pile.
In the past I've looked at books in what I'm finding is a less-than-healthy way. Which, not coincidentally, is the same way I've looked at people.
I've looked at people (and books) with the expectation (hope, desire) that all of them stay around forever. Ok, maybe it's involved a teensy bit of (previously) unrecognized need to hold on to them forever (subtle, but significant, difference).
I so see how this is a result of my childhood, but let's skip that story for now.
Over the past couple of years the Universe has shown me that it's not all that helpful/healthy to hold on to all the books (or all the people) that come into my orbit.
Sometimes I've been shown this in an abrupt manner and I've been less than thrilled (just sayin').
When I scanned my bookshelves for a toss-able book, something that'd be easy to let go of (no finger-prying necessary), I chose Sin Boldly because it was written by journalist Cathleen Falsani, who refers to herself as a born again Christian.
Ofttimes I want to bite people when they get into preachy mode. Even Anne Lamott, one of my favorite nonfiction writers, has drawn this response (not actually biting her, but definitely wanting to!).
I figured it was quite possible for Sin Boldly to make my teeth hurt (the biting thing).
So Sin Boldly went into the tub with me.
Well, don't you just love when you absolutely know something - when you know, know, KNOW it - and you're wrong?
That happened!
Cathleen Falsani started off with a quote from the brilliant, heart-opening writer, Frederick Buechener (the post above, A Great Big YES! is the Buechner quote) -
who happens to be a Christian that I've never felt the urge to bite (even though I have almost all of the prolific fellow's books, so I've had chomping opportunities) -
Great start! And, it turns out that Sin Boldly is about grace (a subject that always grabs my heart) - which is pretty obvious from the subtitle, A Field Guide for Grace, but escaped my notice (and memory - I did read the book when I first bought it) when I pulled it off the bookshelf.
Falsani 'gets' that grace is hard to nail down, but she still tries - I LOVE that! I went through the book a couple times to find ONE description of grace to share with you, but it's hopeless - the book is full of stories of grace, but nothing T-shirt slogan short, except...
where Falsani specifically mentions a T-shirt: " 'Grace doesn't deny my assholeness,' Jean said. (I immediately had the urge to put that on a T-shirt.)"
This is from the chapter where she writes about meeting a pastor (Jean Larroux, nicknamed The Screaming Frenchman) who moved back to New Orleans after Katrina - who further explains grace:
"I mean, I come into work and I've got all this stuff going on and I snap at somebody and I'm just a real, live asshole. And grace in that moment, you can't neatly package. It's somebody throwing their arms around you and saying, ' I love you, but you are an asshole.'"
{Falsani adds} "Yes, but you're my asshole, I envision God saying."
Who could thrift shop toss a book that combines (positive) asshole-speak and grace? Not me!
The book just kept getting better - and I never once felt like biting Falsani!
So, Sin Boldly will not head off to the thrift store...
but I will continue weeding through my books - trying to remember to hold them (and people) loosely - while realizing that I don't do that too well.
Do you ever have trouble knowing what to hold on to and what to let go of?
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I absolutely have the same trouble - with books, and people and stuff. I think it's a scarcity thing - I hang on to them 'just in case'! Maybe it's time for me to go through my bookcase too!
Posted by: Karen | Tuesday, 15 May 2012 at 12:48 PM
What a great post Karen! I've been doing the same thing with my books for the last 9 months. We've donated about 15 boxes to our library. Many more to go . . . and it never fails . . . when I pick up a book to do a "drive-by" goodbye, I find something so incredible in it, I end up keeping the book. LOL I guess that's why our book purge will take at least a year. And yes, I do this with people and even ideas. Oh, let's give it another try and another try and another try. It feels almost impossible to just give up after the first try. Is that perpetual hope, stubbornness, or just a very strong issue with letting go? Probably all of the above.
As usual, you nailed this one! Love it and love you! ♥
Posted by: Maribeth Doerr | Tuesday, 15 May 2012 at 12:56 PM
I have the same trouble... I'm sure I don't hold loosely enough, and I don't always know when it's time to let go. (But I'm better at it than I used to be!) Thanks for this wonderful post!
Posted by: Gin | Tuesday, 15 May 2012 at 04:30 PM
I've taken books I don't think I'll read again off the shelf, but not taken them out of the house yet! As soon as I do I'll go looking for them! But I love the idea of giving them a new home. Sounds so much better than taking them to the Goodwill. Not that the Goodwill can't provide a good home. Just not a homey, sit in a chair wrapped in a blanket read until 3am kind of home.
Posted by: Merry ME | Tuesday, 15 May 2012 at 04:53 PM
LOVED this (and yes, I know this feeling, so well!) This resonates on so many levels for me. Memory and distortions, judgements and right-ness. And there does need to be a T-shirt with that quote. That was enough to make me want to read it too! Thank you!
Posted by: Mel | Thursday, 17 May 2012 at 08:38 AM