How NOT to Create

 

 

Lack of concentration wrapped around me like a cape. A knotted up, sometimes-too-tight, sometimes-too-floppy, ohmyword-get-off-me kind of cape. You know? Yes, YOU know!

When I wasn't going with the ADD-ish thing (look at that. and that. and that. better fix it/pick it up/weed it, chase it NOW) I was in a meh mood - or

tired beyond belief...

When I stepped back for some perspective I could see that everything was pointing to Resistance! Big, fat, hairy Resistance! Uh oh!

I stepped even further back and realized that all the craziness was due to Fear (well, doesn't Resistance almost always come at the invitation of Fear?).

This particular Fear was Fear of Being Ordinary.

I fought a similar Fear aeons ago, in my college years (we're talking a long time ago - so long ago that I had to walk barefoot. Uphill. Both ways. Avoiding mastadon poo...).

Back then I didn't realize what I was doing - but later I figured out that my late starts on papers and my power-through-til-the-wee-hours procrastination were due to Fear of Not Making the Grade (the grade being A+, just so you know), an obvious relative of Fear of Being Ordinary.

The procrastination I engaged in in college served a purpose (I got that insight after a lot of inner work) -

it helped me make sure that, whatever grade I got, I could say: "Wellllll, if I'd started earlier this could've been a lot better". I wouldn't have to feel bad if my efforts weren't rewarded with an A+.

I thought I was done with that, but then I noticed Fear of Being Ordinary - damn!

He came to visit each time I moved toward my piece of an incredible collaborative project I was (and am) working on with writer Charlotte Rains Dixon* (one I've been thrilled about from the beginning - and which, after our weekly Skype calls, I am nearly dancing about).

So I sat myself down and played (which involved drawing a visionary map kinda thing).

And that's how I realized that Fear of Being Ordinary was bringing on the ADD stuff - and the meh mood, and the tired beyond belief yawns, and - well, ALL of it.

I kept playing with the map - and letting it take me into a new relationship with Fear. During the time that I was playing - and open to change -  I happened on a paragraph in An Unused Intelligence by Andy Bryner & Dawna Markova, Ph.D. that explained my map work was helping me move past "mental ruts":

The authors mentioned that Milton Erickson, M.D. "...explained that adult learning was very difficult if you begin at the level of the rational belief system. His research and experience indicated, rather, that if you changed the context in which a person is thinking about something, his or her perceptions would change. This enables the learner to change his or her behavior, which then makes changing beliefs possible: change the context, change the perception, change the behavior, change the belief. Erickson said that when most people reverse the order, they get stuck in habitual mental ruts." {bold and italics emphasis mine}

Playing with visionary maps was helping me look at things in a different context (in this case - looking at what was going on, and what I wanted to happen, through the framework of a map), and...

all of a sudden - kaboom! Big shift. No ruts.

What came to me boiled down to this (getting to this place involved about 27 and 1/2 thought revolutions, so I'm going to shorten it by telling you where I wound up, rather than attempt to trace the whole process):

howzabout we don't worry about ME, get past myself - let ego take a nap...and instead concentrate on the people who will take the class. Figure out how to make it fun for them - how to share what I've learned about sharing (my part of the class is called: Sharing From the Heart vs. Open Heart Surgery**)

All of a sudden the fun came back, Fear of Being Ordinary was off napping somewhere (maybe on a gold-flecked hammock?). And the lack of concentration cape, the ADD stuff, the meh mood, the tired beyond belief yawns - gone! I stopped avoiding my part of the collaborative project - and started enjoying it again!!

Funny how play (and the whole changing concepts thing) can make a creative block/rut/stuck place disappear! 

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

*You can find my friend, Charlotte Rains Dixon (free-lance journalist, ghostwriter, and author) on her blog, subtitled: "Helping you create a successful, inspired writing life."

**more to come as we finish up our page describing the teleclass (but psst - it's about Authenticity & Creativity!)

Comments

[Charlotte Dixon]

Hey, thanks for the great shout-out. I do the happy dance every time I think of our project together, too! So excited. And what a great post this is--so honest and in that honesty, so helpful to others who struggle with fear around creativity. Which is everyone.

[Sandi Amorim]

Sounds like an attack of the lizard brain Karen! And, I can totally relate to your Fear of Being Ordinary. A few year ago in a course I shifted my perspective around it. I realized that even people like Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr. and Mother Theresa are ordinary. We are all ordinary, so we can relax. It's that some people are inspired to do great things, and in so doing become extraordinary.

When I got that the fears settled down pretty quickly!

[Barbara Shallue]

That fear is still sitting cozy beside me, breathing over my shoulder. But I didn't even realize it was there, or maybe I just couldn't think of it as a separate entity, until I read this. I think that's the first step in getting it out the door. Thanks!

[Gin]

I loved hearing about your process! I'm so glad you worked through this and you're having fun with the project again. The topic of your teleclass sounds wonderful and I'm looking forward to finding out more!

[Terri]

Karen, I can have some great ideas, things I want to do/create, have boatloads of enthusiasm about them and really want to my part to make it happen. Then, a powerful hesitation sets in. (maybe the same as resistance or it’s cousin, rebellion.)

Every cell in my body flat refuses to act. Then the ADD-ish, meh mood and tired thing you accurately describe comes on. It can last for days, weeks, months. In some areas of my life it lasts for years. It’s absolutely debilitating with serious painful consequences at times.

I recently discovered a couple of things that are working to get me moving on things I want and need to do. One is very similar the where you got to only I didn’t get there via a map or via Erikson like you did. (Love that quote, BTW)

But I think our resolutions are similar.

For me, I needed to get the audience that I would be teaching/speaking to in view before the hesitation/resistance turned into action. Once I saw the people who would receive what I was creating, I moved forward on the project. In other words, I got ME out of it and did my project for those who might benefit from it. (much like you are saying) Miraculous huh?

Another thing I’m doing in a couple of critical areas is telling myself with no psychological chatter, no special pampering, no giving fear too much power, and without beating on myself about being a bad person, “YOU (meaning me) have to do this. It is best for you and you have to do this. You’ve thought this out. You don’t have to feel good about it. Not liking to do this is fine. You just gotta do it. Because it is right and it is the best for you. Just start, just do one thing. Thinking about it is not allowed.”

I make the decision to be pleased if I take any action at all. I’m getting some positive results from this, but know it can’t be overused or I’ll rebel.

Now the psychology gods are probably jumping up and down in revolt about this method. So what. There are some things I just have to do for survival. And hesitation/resistance has to get out of the way or I ain’t gonna make it.

Love your blog, honesty and realness. Beautiful photo in this post. Sorry, I’ve been quiet lately. Maybe a long comment makes up for my absence??!!

[P Sanyasi]

You just have to do it to work through the fear and resistance, to experience the creative process, and what ever emerges from it, is an authentic expression of your inner being. So go with it and feel free to express your creative needs and dreams.