Square-Peg People

My Body is Revolting - a Confession

 

We were heading out of a very noisy eatery - having sat through lunch knees-to-noses with a shit load whole lot of businessfolk - when Slightly-British Daughter said something I couldn't quite hear (because of the noise).

It was even harder to hear her because she was curled in on herself - kinda like a daughter ball.

"Whaaaat?" I asked shoutishly (again, because of the noise).

Then I heard her. In between gasps of laughter (and this wasn't even a drinking lunch) she explained that her arms and legs weren't working with her - they were in revolt, so she'd said: "my body is revolting". And realized, as the words came out, that those words had more than one meaning.

Funny.

Not so funny: I struggle with that feeling sometimes - the "my body is revolting" thing.

Ok, I don't actually (usually) feel that my body is revolting, but as I get older I'm less than thrilled with some of the changes my body is making. I mean - gravity.

And here's my confession: I recently doctored a photo before sharing it on Instagram (see photos above and below). Gasp!

I didn't exactly give myself a Photoshop facelift - or attach my head to the body of a 20 year old. What I did do was kinda sorta hide my chin(s).

That wasn't even my original intention. I was just trying to frame a photo so that the squirrel in my head stood out. About that squirrel (so you don't think I'm completely nuts) - the photo was my silly response to The idea Room's Instagram photo-a-day prompt: "in my head".

So, as I messed with framing the photo (full confession) I got kind of excited about hiding my chin(s). When I realized how much it mattered to me to hide those chins I decided to confess.

Because I could imagine that, unconfessed, I'd find myself hiding more and more things more and more often.

When I read my friend Jane Cunningham's pro- aging balm post about aging (which made me want to cheer, spin and dance naked in the moonlight!) I decided it was time to share my confession (which had been sitting around waiting to be finished for weeks).

In Jane's post she declares: "I am going to go all Wabi Sabi on the war against aging women. I will not hide this - I want my daughters to feel beautiful when they are my age. I want them to know beauty is more than porcelain skin and pert breasts. No platitudes about what shines from the inside will do in this surface loving world."

Oh, let's join with Jane! (Read Jane's pro- again balm!!!)

Let's LIVE this!

~ ~ ~

Want some more Jane? Read our Interview with Jane Cunningham.

~ ~ ~

Like this post? Check out the Body-Image/Body Love category (listed on right side of the blog) for similar body lovin' posts. Psst - they're often light-hearted, because awareness and acceptance (huge components of Love) often involve giggling.

Here are some from our Body-Part Wednesday series:

Fun Feet
My Left Breast, this one was written by my friend Luna (aka Maripat Oberg)
Body-Part Wednesday V (Shoulders)

Want some playful tools and exercises (and stories!) to amp up awareness, acceptance and connection with YOUR body?

Check out Choosing Me! Body Connection ~ Body Love., our MP3 recording & transcript (there's a free preview button in the middle of the page!).

Your Body - What's to Love?

 

 

It's summertime (at least here on the U.S. East Coast)! Ok, not officially - but we have had summer weather (even a first heat wave last week - ack!).

And so…we're already seeing a lot of "get that lard ass into shape" advertising (and blog posts) - and will likely see more as the season progresses.

How'z about, to counteract that crap, we do some Square-Peg (mindful nonconformist) counter-culture-y body loving instead!

I'll start!

Awhile back, here on Square-Peg People, we had a series of posts called Body Part Wednesday (the picture above was the logo).

The posts were interactive (I'd share a story about one of my own body parts and ask that readers share theirs) - and meant to bring attention & awareness (which is foundational to love) to different parts of our bodies.

Here are links to some of those posts:

Fun Feet (this one still makes me laugh - and blush)

My Left Breast, this one was written by my friend Luna (aka Maripat Oberg)  the rest are by yours truly -

Shoulders

Hair

This one's about butts - it's a recording.

 

Your turn: Whatcha got?

Point to something (a post - yours or someone else's, a pin on Pinterest, whatevva)

that reminds you that your body - NOW - is wonderful and awe-inspiring! Or makes you giggle

(but not in a snicky way - in the adoring way a mama would giggle at her babe's attempts to grab shafts of sunlight).

So what's to love about YOUR body? Everything!

Muah!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Want more body-loving encouragement and inspiration? Check out Choosing Me! Body Connection ~ Body Love (MP3 recording & transcript) -

You can listen to a bit of the recording on this page, just click on the free preview button in the middle of the page.

Choosing Me! offers: 

• stories that show how thinking affects our behavior (and how other people see us) 
• playful exercises and imagery to help you shift to a lighter, freer, gentler focus 
• ideas for setting up your own ongoing positive body-relationship experiences 
• tools and imagery to use again and again

Bathing Suits And Bears

 

 

Oy! It's bathing suit season again - and I have the snail mail sales flyers to prove it. Bikinis and one-pieces and skinny - ohmy!

The picture above doesn't seem connected to bathing suit season, but I think it is...

Slightly-Brit sent me this bear picture months ago - months. I laughed hard when I first saw it, and it still cracks me up. It's vintage Karen - it's so me!

And I wanted to share it with you, because I figured it'd make you laugh too. But...

I couldn't! It's too unflattering - I look ridiculous. The angle is crazy, my nose looks like a bulb, I look toothless - and hell, I'm bigger than the bear!

I don't suppose I need to explain the picture, but I feel compelled to: it was about a month before Christmas, and my mother, Slightly-Brit and I did our traditional visit to a local nursery/garden shop that tarts itself up (in a good way) for the holidays.

I was being silly (I am silly - it's a big part of my personality). There was a bear in one of the display rooms (there were actually a number of bears in different display rooms - just a regular holiday with the bears, wtf?) - and, on impulse, I stuck my wrist in its mouth and pretended it bit me.

On impulse - like the time, aeons ago, when I did a Quasimodo impression (complete with hunched back and dragging leg) in the middle of a crowded restaurant - to the horror of my friends (who thought, as I did, that I was shy - I was shy back then, but impulse seemed to occasionally trump shyness).

Only this time, with the bear, Slightly-Brit was there with a camera. So I now have visual evidence that I look ridiculous when I'm being silly...except I don't really have that evidence.

Because how we look is a matter of perspective.

When I was in high school I had a teacher who made me think. He interpreted history (and culture) in ways I'd never imagined. When he asked for responses he wanted thought-out replies, not his own thoughts spat back at him (which is what most of my teachers seemed to expect).

When he spoke (from up on the auditorium stage - his classes being enormous), I saw a middle-aged man (with a bony, not particularly handsome, face) morph into a Greek god! Every fricking time!!

More recently I sat at the feet of a short, lumpy, elderly woman who became Love in my eyes. She was soooo beautiful that I could've sat and listened to her (falling into her beauty) forever.

I don't know what my high school teacher told himself when he looked in the mirror in the mornings. I don't know if the elderly lady knows that she's beautiful.

But, to me, there's no question -  they ARE beautiful!

The truth is, for ALL of us - when we let our natural Self show - we ARE beautiful. Right now!

If you were in the restaurant when I channeled Quasimodo - or in the garden nursery when I was bitten by a bear - if you were right there - I imagine you'd have seen silliness and joy.

I think there's a good chance you would have seen my beauty - my silly beauty (and not focused on how toothless I looked). You probably would've joined in the joy, because I think that, when I'm being silly, I become Grandmother Love - or a Greek god(dess) - if you look from the right perspective.

My friend Gin White, from Subtle Harmony, shared this quote on FB the other day: "The question is not what you look at, but what you see." ~ Henry David Thoreau

What if we look for evidence of beauty in ourselves? What if we change our perspective and see with eyes of Love??

How do YOU see yourself as beautiful? I'd love to hear!

p.s. The bathing suit season thing - it connects, I swear it does - but explaining it is beyond me at the moment - sigh.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

If you'd like a (metaphorical) hand in seeing yourself from a different perspective - seeing yourself with eyes of Love - check out the Body Image/Body Love category of the blog, especially the Body-Part Wednesday posts.

Choosing Me! is another self-love tool - it's an mp3 I created about reconnecting with your body (and you can listen to a preview when you go to the link above).

What I Learned From My Hair

 

 

Early in May I dropped a Facebook update where I complained about my hair:

My hair can't decide whether it wants to impersonate the hair of Donald Trump or Justin Bieber. Sadly, I do not approve of either. Sigh.

FB friends made delightfully fun comments to my hair-whine. One friend suggested that if it wasn't a Phyllis Diller hair day - it was a GOOD hair day! Another shared a picture of an animal with wild-crazy hair - the poor thing looked like it was wearing a lion's mane that'd been struck by lightening.

Amazingly (my FB friends must all be very kind), no one mentioned that I have this whine (although I mix it up - comparing my hair to different people/animal's noggins) pretty often...

actually, my hair seems to annoy me (mysteriously) on some kind of schedule - like every 6 - 8 weeks; interesting, yes?

The Donald Trump/Justin Bieber whine was after my hair (besides being long overdue for a cut - and hanging kind of sheepdoggish) decided it wanted to go the other way.

It's almost always parted on the right, but for a few days before my public whine it insisted on parting itself on the left. Why (and WTF)? Who knows. I kept pushing it the way it was supposed to go. I kept trying to force it. Until I didn't.

One day I brushed it the way it wanted to go - and voila, I almost looked human (ok, still a little sheepdoggish)! I still needed a haircut (badly), but my hair and I weren't fighting - and I wasn't whining about it (much).

So, what did I learn from my hair?

To allow, to trust our Square-Peg leanings, our Square-Peg Selves (even when it's just our Square-Peg hair) - even (and maybe especially) when we lean away from the status quo. Jeez, kind of odd that this is my "thing", my message (self-acceptance/self-love/self-trust) - and my hair needed to remind me of it!

I also learned to get the damn thing cut, maybe on some kind of schedule (schedule, what's that?).

Postscript: I (finally) got my hair cut the other day and I'm loving it. All I do is wash - finger fluff (that sounds odd, doesn't it?) and go. No curling iron, no swearing - (ok, there's still plenty of swearing - it's my nature).

But I passed a mirror last night and wondered (aloud, of course) if my hair didn't look just a little bit (and I'm not whining here, just noticing) like the dutch boy (paint can kid) or even Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music.

I'm not quite sure why I have to find somebody in my hair - why can't it just be hair? Why does it have to be Phyllis Diller, Justin Bieber or...? Bizarre Square-Peg trait, maybe.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Pssst! There are loads of lessons to be learned from our bodies - maybe you have one you'd like to share (pretty please)?

I've shared a few more of mine here on the blog (the Body Image/Body Love category - especially in our Body-Part Wednesday posts - has a number of them), including:

what I've learned from my feet, in Fun Feet,

my shoulders, in Body-Part Wednesday V,

and some wisdom from my friend Maripat (Luna) Oberg in My Left Breast, where she shares (well, obviously) what she learned from her left breast.

And Square-Peg People's Choosing Me! mp3, which is all about body-love NOW, is another place to learn from your body. Just sayin'

Pretty?

Here's something that's just perfect for a Wednesday, a Body-Part Wednesday! And, yeah, we'll just have to ignore the fact that it is - in actuality - Thursday (but let me say that I did start this post on Wednesday* - so that oughta count for something!). 
Editor's note: Dian Reid from Authentic Realities (the link goes to her cool new blog challenge), showed it to me first (and I forgot to mention that - argh - apologies, Dian).
The cool thing is, now that I waited until Thursday to put up a Body-Part Wednesday post, I found (or was serendipitously** led to) another great video hugging the body-love/body-acceptance topic. 
One of the participants in this next video called this: "radical self-care" - WOW!And speaking of the way things weave together in life (weren't we?), I just got my copy of Geneen Roth's Women Food and God yesterday!!
Here's the video - Geneen Roth and Anne Lamott talking about Women Food and God:


*I got lost in time while working with Slightly-British Daughter on our facelift (the blog's facelift - it's doubtful that we could've pulled off - no pun intended - a physical/real-face-skin-related thing - ewww, whatta mess).

** My initial spelling of the word "serendipitously" was: surrendipitously - makes me smile! Good thing we've got Spellcheck though.

Body Prayer Guest Post by Heather Platt

I've been looking for a way to get back in to blog-writing after my lengthy time away.  

About that: I've been adjusting and readjusting - both house and heart - to this empty nest thing. And then I began daily visits to my mother to help her adjust (to being temporarily left-handed) due to her gardening accident (4 broken fingers and a broken wrist - who knew gardening could be so dangerous!?!).

I was encouraged to just jump back in by one of Victoria Brouhard's posts, called: When the Thing Becomes Too Important - ever so worth jumping over to read!! (psst: I had the extreme pleasure of interviewing Victoria the other day, and you are going to LOVE reading this interview - more on that soon).

And then I received a note from Fumbling for Words blogger, Heather Platt, with a fantastic Body-Part Wednesday-type post attached (I'd asked her to write something for us on body). So here I am - back in the saddle and ready to blog again AND I get to start the easy way, introducing someone else's words.

So here we go - Here's a post that both extols body relationship/body love and gives a whopping fine example of how to (build a body relationship and get yourself some body love). Please enjoy:

 

Body Prayer

by Heather Platt

 

I’m not a big fan of personal hygiene.

No, that doesn’t mean that I’m the kind of person you wouldn’t want to sit next to on a bus – I shower regularly and almost always smell clean. It just means that I’m not a big fan of the steps it takes to clean myself off, make myself presentable, and make sure the accumulated gunk on my teeth doesn’t cause cavities. I treat it all like a necessary evil – rushing through it mindlessly, eager to get to whatever comes after the washing and brushing and filing and trimming.

Not long ago, I had a significant a-ha moment when I read Laraine Herring (in “Writing begins with the Breath") talk about how she had separated herself from her body and let her mind be her only guide and definition of herself. The same words could be said of me. My body was little more than a neglected vehicle whose purpose was to transport my mind where it needed to be.

There was a disconnect there, and in the weeks after reading Herring’s words, I had a dawning realization that if I wanted to live my best, healthy life, I had to find a way to reconnect with my body.

I started to think of my body as a separate entity – someone who needed to be welcomed back into my life. It started with a little morning practice in which I said “dear body, what can I do for you today?” After saying those words, I would do my best to listen to what my body asks for – food, rest, play, exercise, stretching, etc. The hardest thing has been learning to listen to when she says “that’s ENOUGH food for now,” but I’m getting better at it.

One day it occurred to me that rushing through my morning and evening hygiene routine was part of the way I was disconnecting from my body. I wasn’t honouring it in the way that it deserved to be honoured – I was simply hosing it off like you would a car or a dirty sidewalk.

One morning, after an energizing bike ride, I stepped into the shower and looked down my beautiful body dripping with water. In that moment I began to marvel at the way this strong body had managed to propel me on my bicycle for 11 kilometres (that’s 6.8 miles).

As I began to lather up, I whispered a little thank you to each part of my body as I washed it. “Thank you legs for sharing your strong energy on the bike today. Thank you hair for adorning me and giving me personality. Thank you face for the way you smile at friends and make them feel comfortable. Thank you belly for carrying my babies and for digesting my food. Thank you breasts for sharing life-giving milk with my little ones and for giving my husband and me pleasure.” And in the end… “Thank you God for creating and living in this beautiful body, your temple.”

I don’t expect my relationship with my body to dramatically change overnight (it’s taken me 44 years to get here – I expect it will take some time to undo those old habits), but this is one step I’m willing to take to change the future.

I’m delighted to report that my body is more than happy to be welcomed back!

 

Heather is celebrating her birthday this week and she's invited US to celebrate (and participate) with her at a bra-burning (which is really about hindrance-burning - though there's a real bra involved at Heather's party - go read!).

Two earlier posts on Heather's blog, Fumbling for Words, talk more about body experiences: there's one where she talks about an a-ha moment and another where she wrote an "Ode to my 40 year old body".

 

*The gentle, relational way that Heather talks about her body - and re-connecting to her body - resonates with the ideas, stories and adventures in our body-mindfulness/body-image recording, Choosing Me! If you'd like encouragement on your journey to befriending YOUR body, please check it out!

Manure Moments

The wondrous Bridget Pilloud and I exchanged guest posts - her body mindfulness, body love post "Loving That Body" is here -

and my "Grab That Thought...or Not" is over on her blog -- please go check out my wisdom (ok, I'm giggling - but you knew that!).

Here's a little taste (of my guest post) to whet your appetite. I'm all about food today - cooking vegan chili soup, fresh bread and blueberry blintzes just in case the electric goes out in yet another - argh - East Coast snow storm.

Here you go - a little taste of "Grab That Thought...or Not" - a response to Bridget's "Eff You Law of Attraction" post:

 

...Real life is slippery - messy and beautiful, glorious and mundane, difficult and easy. It's not one-sided. Not always Winter, not always Spring (unless you live in the tropics, or on the equator - or... Note to self: forget weather metaphor).

Life has its rose moments (oh gag, another metaphor), but it also has manure moments (which roses actually need). Ups and downs, roses and manure - real life contains it all.

...

When the hard stuff (manure) comes - when we hurt or get knocked around by life (which will happen once we're over say, four years old - and for many of us even before that) - we often reach for something: an absolute - a rule - an explanation. We grab hold of thoughts (ideals) that we think will keep us safe, or bring safety back.

We lose mindfulness and openness.

~~~

Now, go on -- go visit Bridget (and her newly spiffed up site) and read the rest. And please say "Hi!" Check out what she says about me - she likes me, she really likes me (grin).

Body Love

 

It's been awhile since we've had a Body-Part Wednesday post.

I'm glad to get back to the subject, and thrilled to share a guest post on body mindfulness/body love from the delightful Bridget Pilloud (go read her blogs, links below, she is a hoot! funny and oh-so mindful, I always leave her posts with things to reflect on).

Enjoy (that's an order - grin) Bridget Pilloud's guest post: "Loving that Body"!

~~~

Loving that Body 

(Guest post by Bridget Pilloud)

I was recently at a brunch, and a skinny lady across the table from me made a disparaging joke about how fat she was.

She was feeling bad about the size of her butt, which is about half the size of mine.

Then she saw me across the table, turned red and apologized.

I asked, “Why are you telling me that you’re sorry?”

This made me laugh, because she really didn’t know what to say then. I mean, she apologized to me for making a fat joke.

She apologized because I am fat.

I’m a size 18-20.  I am soft and curvy and plump.

I’ll take my round booty and body love over her tiny booty and body hate. It is a much better deal.

Body Frustration

I used to joke that if my body was a temple, mine was a temple of doom. I have the metabolism of a hibernating bear. My thyroid screwed me and it didn’t even kiss me. My gall bladder was (and I quote) “the biggest, ugliest sack of stones” that the surgeon had ever seen.

My body does not look perfect. My body does not act perfect.

Certainly, by every standard I’m shown on TV and in print, my body is a before picture.

But…my body is pretty freaking awesome, and although I’m late to the loving party, it’s so much easier to love it than to hate it.

How did I learn to love my body?

The only way to love something, truly, is to know it.

Appreciate the View

I started with something I liked. I started with my cute nose. Just, right now, look in the mirror and find a piece of you that you like. On every body, there is something to appreciate. Perhaps it’s the color of your eyes,  or the shape of your front teeth. Find it. Say out loud, “I like my ____________”.

Appreciate the Experience

Then think about something you get to experience through your body, something you enjoy. The warmth of a bath, the taste of a mango, (even, might I say, in square-peg-karen’s-blog, the ecstasy of an orgasm?): all of these are only available to us via these imperfect temples. Take a moment to say “I am loving this because of my body.”

Love it Back

Love your body back.

Start by stopping  your critical eye. 

I lived with only a hand mirror for six months. That’s a great, albeit drastic, way to stop the criticism. 

Put a sticky note on your mirror that says, “If I wouldn’t say it to a friend, I won’t say it to my body.”  You’d never tell your friend that the skin hangs off her knees like bread dough. Why would you say that to your body? Why tear yourself down?  It hasn’t helped you this far, has it?

Then, also, do stuff for your body. Find something that you can do today to help your body feel better. Get a massage. Get acupuncture. Get thee to the gym.

Don’t wait until you’re skinny to buy the pretty clothes. Do it now. 

Repeat

These three acts, performed over and over again, will change how you see your body.

I love my body.
I am not the fastest.
I am not the prettiest.
I have a ways to go before I will be the healthy one racing through the water at my gym’s pool. 
But my body lets me be here.
It lets me hug my kids.
It lets me feel the sun on my skin.
How awesome is that?

What I’ve Noticed

Since I’ve started to love my body, people have started to touch me more. People have told me that they think I’m beautiful. Me.

Overweight, over-40 me. I am making better decisions about what I eat.

More than anything, I’m happier. I am happier at a size 18 than I was as a size 6.

Your body is valuable. Your body is beautiful. Your body is functional.

Try to love it. Try to really know it and love it. You will feel so much better.

~~~

Bridget Pilloud is an intuitive guidance counselor living in Portland, Oregon. She teaches people how to use their intuition. Bridget is also an intuitive animal communicator.

She’s got an awesome domestic partner named Brian, 3 kids, 3 dogs and 3 cats. She loves art and horseback riding and eating oysters.  She can be found at http://www.bridgetpilloud.com and http://www.petsaretalking.com and on twitter @intuitivebridge .

Audio Interview with Author Anne Marie Bennett

This is the last day in our week of posts honoring Breast Cancer Awareness month and Body-Mindfulness. To finish the week we have an audio recording with Anne Marie.

I asked Anne Marie to share a bit with us about ways that people were helpful to her when she was going through breast cancer - and also ways in which people were not helpful! She had some wise ideas for those of us who want to "be there" for friends or loved ones who are going through life-threatening illness.

Click below to hear the interview:

 

Anne Marie Bennett Interview

 

Thanks for sharing with us, Anne Marie!

Bright Side of The Road Give-away Winner

I missed posting on Day Five of our week of posts honoring Breast Cancer Awareness month and Body Mindfulness, but I'm back for Day Six! I actually missed the whole day, not just posting - too much Phillies-are-the-National-League-Champs type celebrating - whewwwwww!!

Today is the day we pick the book give-away winner - ta da!

Mary Ellen, you're the winner of Anne Marie Bennett's book ~ Bright Side of the Road: A Spiritual Journey Through Breast Cancer book. Congrats!!!

For anyone else who'd like a copy of the book - Anne Marie is on a book blog tour - and anyone who hosts a stop on the tour receives a complimentary copy of the book - you can find out about hosting the tour here.

OR you can read about how to order a copy here.

Thanks to everyone who commented!!